What starts with P and ends with "oop" POOP

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Why did Shrek eat the onions? Anyone who has seen the Shrek films would know that Shrek never mentions anything about eating onions. In the first movie, Shrek and donkey have a conversation in which he compares himself to an onion, but the scene lasts maybe a minute and never again does Shrek mention onions in any way, shape, or form. For whatever reason, this one scene has turned onions into the strongest signature icon associated with Shrek.

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Why was the black man picking cotton from the backyard? Because he enjoys gardening as a hobby, and prefers to do it every Sunday, after work.

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A duck walks into a bar, guess what the bartender does............ GIVES HIM A SEAT AND 6 FREE SHOTS! But instead of that the bartender promptly escort the duck out considering the fact that in all bars there is a no animal and/or pet policy so the duck went... and commitid a series of loud noises before he got to a hotel and hung itself, that is what any depressed hungover duck would do.

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A man walked into a bar. He got a concussion and couldn't see strait for days.

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Your momma's so old, she your family should be proud to know someone who has lived such a long and full life.

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Why was Sally angry? Because somebody burned all her clothes

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Why did the blonde die? She was slurped up by a 1,000 foot anteater.

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How do you end a sentence

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Why did the paperboy fall off his bike? I threw a fridge at him because he was a ginger.

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There was a papa tomato, a mama tomato, and a baby tomato. They were walking and baby tomato starts lagging behind. So the papa tomato stomps on the baby tomato and says nothing because tomatoes can't talk.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? The Holocaust. What's worse than the holocaust? Finding two worms in your apple.

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How do you stop a blind kid from walking into oncoming traffic? .................to late!!!!!!!

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream? He did not have sufficient stability in his arm at that moment causing him to loosen his grip and drop his ice cream.

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Why Bono always walk barefoot ? Because he's an asshole.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue. Before you sneeze Say PIK-Achoo

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What do you call a fish with no eyes? A very unfortunate blind fish.

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What do u do when u hear about a smart Blonde. Cant think of anything? Exactly

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What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a mountainous mound of slain human offspring? There is none, the second is conferred to the subject of a conversation using a highly advanced vernacular.

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How do you kill a hobo? Throw a penny off a clif.. How do you kill another hobo? Tell him the penny's still down there

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How do you piss off a gypsy? Curse at him

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What's purple, red, green and does jumping jacks. Nothing... that sounds pretty crazy if you ask me.

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A Muslim walks into a bar. No-one survived the blast.

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Why do dogs chase squirrels? Beacuse dogs have very low attention spands and also chase cars and cats.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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