A man walks into a bar. The bartender says "why the long face?" He says, "I have acromegaly"

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A: what did one apple say to the other apple. B: Nothing apples cant talk

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I hope your not allergic to bees Because your about to be attacked by a live tiger.

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An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do.

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Whats better than winning an award? Not having your family shot to death

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because you touch yourself.

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What's worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? Biting into a worm and finding an apple

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Why did the girl blush when she opened the fridge? Because she saw the salad dressing

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Your Mother is so ugly that men tend to avoid her.

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What did the orange say to the lemon? "Hello"

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Next up, Sharpi and Ryan take their audition faliure very seriously in "columbine high school musical"

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What's brown and sticky? Poop.

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How many Jews can fit in a Volkswagen beetle? Four, although five is possible if you are not afraid of getting a ticket.

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A black man goes outside to shoot some hoops. He misses all of them because not all blacks are good at basketball.

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What has two legs? Half a cat

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You're such a baby, that you are still in diapers! Ew! How would you know creep!

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Next Q: What's worse than a bee sting? A: Two bee stings. Q: What's worse than two bee stings? A: Three bee stings. Q: What's worse than three bee stings? A: Sexual assault.

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I started writing poetry the other day: POETR That's coming along nicely.

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A dyslexic man walks into a bra. He was at Victoria's Secret and he wasn't watching where he was going.

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What does a penguin and a watermelon have in common? They all come from Earth.

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What's red and bad for your teeth? A Brick

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A white man, a black man and an asian walked into a bar. They got a drink and discussed multiple issues of the day and then went their seperate ways home.

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What's the difference between a convertible and a dead baby? One's in my garage, and one's a car.

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There was a boy named Steven, a son of a rich business man. Steven was an interesting child though, as he always kept care to one of his possessions. That possession being a plain, old, brown box. On Steven's fourth birthday his father said he could have anything in the world he wanted, just name it. Steven said he wanted two quarters to put in his box. The father agreed and gave his son two quarters to put in his box. Every year the father would say he could have anything he wished for, and Steven just asked for two quarters. Nothing more. On Steven's 18th birthday he got into a severe car crash. The father stood over the hospital bed where Steven lay. "I can get you the best doctors in the world. They can save you, please let me get you this for your birthday!" The boy shook his head. "All I want is two quarters" Steven replied. The father was distraught. "Son, tell me why you've wanted these two quarters every year you have been alive instead of anything else in the world". The boy complied. "Fine I'll tell you." Then Steven died before he could tell the father. The End.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops