- Anti Joke

What's the difference between a Jew and a Muslim? -You can research and find several similarities and differences, but I will not go into detail about them.

This night was a particularly stormy one, many a crop destroyed, but the spirit of Little Jonny Harrison lived on with a shining light so strong it could emotionally blind those who may experience it's full potential. Jonny lived in Ristoville, a secluded village atop a hill. Citizens of Ristoville were frightened for there lives, all but Jonny, that is. Jonny was bullied from a young age, approximately 3 months, by his Uncle Clive, who was a Catholic Priest, full-time. Fear shined in the eyes of the normal residents, whilst, in Jonny's heart, there glowed a glow of pure hope, expectation and confidence, Jonny Harrison, was going to venture into the storm. Jonny knew he could amount to something, if he really really tried. He has 6 years behind him, and a long life ahead, and he figured, what's the worst that could happen? He pondered this, and ultimately came to the conclusion that there will be nothing worse out there that Uncle Clive's "Magical Basement of Happiness". Jonny sat his mother down in the family's precious leather chair, looked her in the eye and whispered a sweet farewell. He wished his father the best wishes possible, so now he is armed with the fact that his father is there for him, to help him further his adventure. Finally, Rosie Harrison, Jonny's sweet old Grandmother, who had been addicted to Crystal Meth for about 25 years now and been through 13 interventions and countless failed suicide attempts, opened her ears to young Jonathon's speech, he said softly in her ear, the words, "Hang in there, Gran. I know you can pull through, I may be only six but I sure as heck know how much i care for you.". The words of love echoed in her fragile little ears as Jonny walked away. He grabbed his stash of Cool Original Doritos, took with him a couple cartons of Apple and Blackcurrant Ribena, got his Grandfather's lucky medallion and his inhaler and took his first step outside. He whipped out a carton of Ribena, used the straw to puncture a hole through which to drink, strongly crumpled up the carton, slightly spraying pure fruit juice on his dungarees, and threw it to the drooping wet grass. He faced the towering lightning cloud and with a cry so intense, shouted, "Nothing will stop me!!". Jonny died shortly after of HIV induced AIDS. His Uncle Clive was sentence to 3 to 5 years, depending on behavior, in a high security prison for child molestation, frequent and consistant child abuse and paedophillia and smuggling Crystal Meth. Rosie Harrison died later that day.

Q: How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Well considering the weight of a fly is 1.2 grams, and the weight of a light bulb is 50 grams (and this is assuming that the fly can lift its own body weight) it would take 41.6 flies. But also considering the fact, that the .6th of a fly is impossible, because it is more than likely to be deceased, it is impossible for flies to screw in a light bulb.

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, that was a turkey. Oh.

How do you shoot an eagle? You don't. The eagle is going too fast for you.

A Homosexual, a platypus, and a rubber spoon walk into a bar...

A man walks into his cubicle and sits down. After a long day of work, he goes home and happens to die whilst eating dinner.

What are the biggest ants in the world? Ants under a magnifying glass.

Why cant white guys jump? Well that would be wrong because some can. Have you seen Blake Griffen?

What's brown and sits in the woods? Winnie's poo

why aren't black people real? they are. just because they are less visible at night makes no difference.

Q: What did the pony say when it had a sore throat? A: "I have throat cancer and only have six weeks to live."

Don't you hate when you finger your belly button and your nipples exploed?

Why was the fat girl a virgin? Good morals

Who wants water? I do.

People spending hours typing nothing but cus words? Who does that?

Yo mama is so ugly that she won an award for that

Why couldn't the little boy see? His eyes were closed.

ROSES ARE RED VIOLETS ARE BLUE I LIKE TITS TITS

I'm not saying my mother-in-law is fat, because she is anorexic.

What do Helen Keller and Beethoven have in common? They both died wondering what the hell their last words were.

You: Want to hear a joke? Person: Yeah You: Me too

How can you tell the person who stole your car was black? Stereotyping is wrong.

Why can't Stuart post a joke? Because he is using a giant iphone

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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