On a scale of 1 to 10, how high are you? Very.

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A man walks into a bar and notices a twelve inch tall man playing a small piano. He asks the bartender about it. The bartender explains that the pianist has worked there for some time, mostly performing on weeknights. The bartender also tells the man that he may be suffering some vision problems, as the pianist is about 5'8" or 5'9". Some time later the man visits an optometrist and finds out he has a severe case of astigmatism. "Knock Knock." "Who's there?" "Banana." "Banana who?" "Knock Knock." "Who's there?" "Banana." "I already asked ''Banana who?'' Is that your real name? Who is this really?" "Knock Knock." "You are upsetting me. I am calling the police now. Please get off my property."

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There once was a man from Dundee, Whose Limericks ended on line three. I don't know why.

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what do you call when a penis is inside a vagina? sex

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Q-Why the baby drop is lollypop? A: He got hit by a truck

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Why couldn't Jimmy wash his hair? He has leukemia and therefore no longer has hair.

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What do you call a guy with a rubber toe? . . . . . . . Roberto

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Yo momma so fat she saw a yellow bus full of white kids and said, "STOP THAT TWINKIE!!"

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What did the sleepy man say to his wife? I'm sleepy.

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Damn Nero... So you are saying there is no hope left, the underground society is dead and buried.

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If a hen lays an egg in the middle of a roof, which way would it fall? To the east, as there was a brisk wind in that direction.

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Why was the bartender's baby crying upstairs? Because it was being raped.

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How many immature teenagers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Your Mum.

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Why did sally fall off the swings? She didn't have any arms. Knock Knock, Who's there? Not Sally, she doesn't have any arms.

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What happened to the black man when he was hit by a truck? He died.

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What do you do if you run over a black man? Call an ambulance... he's probably about to die.

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Why did a chicken cross the road? To see The Doors.

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Two cows are standing in a field. One says to the other, 'Have you heard about this mad cow disease?' and the other says 'Good thing we're penguins.'

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Roses are red, Violets are too. I'm colour blind, It's a very depressing infliction.

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What is White on Top and Black on bottom? Micheal Jackson.

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What's the difference between a Chinese guy and a bucket of fried chicken? There are numerous differences.

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What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Not your cheese.

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Why do girls swim naked in lakes and oceans? so they have an excuse why their pussies smell like either tuna or cat fish.

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what do call a purple animal that eats rocks? A purple rock eater..

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops