How did the chicken cross the road?he just got up and walked to the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did the blonde woman decide to get plastic surgery? Because she was self-conscious and unhappy with the way she looked.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did the black man cross the road? Because he lived an worked on opposite sides of the road, and so consequently needed to cross the road to work, and provide an income for his family, so they could have fresh food, clean water, and have money to pay the bills such as the mortgage so they didnt become poor and homeless, which would inevitably lead to illness and an early death for them all.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What do you call a boomerang that doesnt come back? A stick.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Whats funnier than a massacre? Everything.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Roses are red Violets are blue If you are reading this Then it must be deja vu

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Kid: My dad's brother has gone at it with a lot of women. Friend(sarcastically): Geez that's great! When was he born? Kid: '69

thumb_up thumb_down +5

what do you get when you come across a old dog with herpes, a fat man with herpes and an apple? you get nothing but the satisfaction of seeing such a horrific sight

thumb_up thumb_down +5

So two Penn State administrators walk into a butt.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A Hispanic walks into an alleyway and sees two of his rich friends. He desperately needs money and only has enough time to shoot one of them because he sees the police following him. He decides which one to shoot... Wait, if he has enough time to think about this shouldn't he just shoot both of them?

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What did the magician's assistant say after the magician cut her in half?... Nothing. Her spine was severed and she died instantly.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because no cars were coming.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A man walks into a bar and says Ouch.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Q: If 0+0=2 and four shampoo bottles is equal to two toaster strudels, how many pizza slices can Samuel eat? A: Winter because grass=6

thumb_up thumb_down +5

this isn't meant to be a joke, but just letting all of you know, inside jokes don't count and kony jokes aren't funny

thumb_up thumb_down +5

How do you make a fake baby cry -Put batteries in it. How do you make a real baby cry? -Put batteries in it.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

A kid goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor! it hurts when I do this!" The Doctor says, "Well, because you have been diagnosed with ALD, and to make matters worse you are allergic to rapeseed oil" The child then cries because he will never live past 40 years old

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What do you call a mexican who steals toasters? A mexican toaster thief.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did Suzy fall off the swing? She didn't. Despite losing her arms in a terrible accident as a child, Suzy persevered to become a renowned gymnast. After several turns as a champion Special Olympian, Suzy retired from sports in order to tour elementary schools as a guest speaker. She inspired thousands of disabled children across North America and was a highly-respected orator. Suzy sadly passed away in 2009 at the age of 62. She is survived by her two lovely daughters, Karen and Michelle.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What do you say to a corpse? How's life?

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What's worse than the holicost? The ninja turtles

thumb_up thumb_down +5

One,two,skip a few... five,six,seven,eight...(and so on ad infinitum)

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why was the man so cold? He was in a fridge

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops