Hey I Just Met You , And This is Crazy But Don't Text. My Phone Cuz You Stalk Me Daily #Taste_MyCarmel

thumb_up thumb_down -17

A man walks into a bar. On impact, he suffers quite the blow to his head, resulting in him falling unconscious. He is escorted to the hospital, where he is pronounced in a coma on arrival. His family is left devastated. His wife, who was a stay-at-home mother to their 2 children doesn't take this news very well and is sent into a spiraling depression. 16 years later, the man finally wakes from his coma to find that his son and daughter that he had left behind where now grown teenagers and almost done with high school, his wife's has remarried and given birth to his half-child. This is why you don't text while walking down a sidewalk.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Knock, Knock! Who's there? Hatch! Hatchoo! Bless you!

thumb_up thumb_down -17

A Jew walks into Macy's

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Your momma is so old, it is likely that she will pass away in the near future, and I would recommend you to spend some quality time with her.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

a read head, a brunet, and a blonde sneak into a merchant ship. security hears some noises and goes on to investigate. all three girls jump into banana sacks. security guard kicks the first sack with the read head in it and she growls like a dog, so the security sees its a dog and keeps on walking. he then kicks the sack with the brunet in it, she goes on to hiss like a cat. so then the security guard kicks the last sack with the blonde in it, and she yells out "bananas!"...the end

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't it got hit by a speeding moped.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

How do you drown a blond? You hold her underwater.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Knock knock. The door was not answered because, rather than rapping upon the door with his knuckles twice consecutively, Joseph simply said the onomatopoeia verbs vocally. He intended to wish his neighbor and dear friend of twenty years the best of luck with his current situation, as his neighbor had been recently divorced from a marriage of forty-eight years. Joseph then walked home, because intruding upon his friend's privacy would have befuddled him even further.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why did the black man lose his leg? Because he was kidnapped and tortured.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why was the multi-millionaire entreprenuer sad? He went bankrupt.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What is the gay guy thinking about? Penis

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why did Lucy drop her ice-cream ? Because she got hit by a bus. Knock knock. Who is there ? NOT LUCY !

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Why was the boy dead? The boy was hit by a bus ran over by a train and stabbed to death by a murderer then put into a grinder for a meal for the murderer.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What's short and weak and has no life..........a Jordan pederson!

thumb_up thumb_down -17

-Knock Knock. -Who's there? -Willis. -Wills who? -IT'S ME WILLIS. YOUR SON! -Whatchu talking bout Willis, I ain't got no son. -Remember Bill, my father? I was conceived on your 20th birthday party. .... - Is he fat white Bill, Mexican Bill, or Billette the shemale? And thus, poor Willis jumps off a bridge, committing suicide, because his biological mother turns out to be a shemale screwing whore.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

I asked her where you were.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

wat do u call a person who is ugly ugly

thumb_up thumb_down -17

What do you call a mix between a mexican and a octopus? Actually, at this moment in time it is physically and morrally impossible to do such a thing. Scientists have yet to find a way to split the genes and create a cross species. lol jk its called a moctapus.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

CUT MY SOUL INTO PIECES MY NAME IS VOLDEMORT TERMINATION YOU'RE BLEEDING DON'T GIVE A F**K IF I HAVE NO NOSE FOR BREATHING

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Did you hear about the constipated mathematician who broke his calculator? He went to the shops and bought some laxatives and a new calculator.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

So theres a man, a horse, and a piglet in a helicopter. Upon noticing this, the pilot jumps out of the plane and the animals go crashing to their doom.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

there was this kid who was perfectly well-adjusted, had most normal things a person needs and a generally good life. what did he get for Christmas. non-hodgkins lymphoma.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

How do you piss off a redneck? You wait until he is done fucking his sister and then you steal his truck.

thumb_up thumb_down -17

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops