good pick up line hey baby have u seen my heart cuz i think you stole it

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your in court a woman police officer says anything you say can and will be held against you. the man replies titty

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How many bears does it take to screw in a light bulb? None; it’s a fairly menial task requiring little more than a single human hand. Requisitioning any number of bears for the effort would be an extremely dangerous “Rube Goldberg”-esque solution to simple problem.

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Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Getting thrown in to a car and raped violently.

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How do you confuse a blonde? take the albuterol

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Why was a black man in a police car? He is a police officer.

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Q: What do you get when you cross a cactus and a platypus? A: I was wondering the same thing.

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Knock knock Who's There? Woo? Woo who? Stop celebrating and let me in.

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How do you make a drug dealer cry? Just say no

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"Knock knock." "Come in."

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HAHAH MY WORD IS HAPPY CLAPPY

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A blond, a brunette, and a redhead all walk into a bar. They order martinis and have a nice evening.

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Have you ever tried Ethiopian food? Neither have they.

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I once did __________ (went to Hawaii, drank a whole gallon of beer, etc. ), but then I woke up. Works with anything, and people will laugh.

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How many black people does it take to screw in a light bulb? one, hes an electrician

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what does lady gaga have that some people dont have? a penis.

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A horse walks into a bar the bartender says to the horse y the long face the horse is unable to speak English, shits on the floor than leaves.

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Have you ever had Ethiopian food? No. Well you should really try some.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have Parkinsons, ;oshgfs;jgbRHG

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One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck. The truck's driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car. He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle. Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires. The blonde got angry and called the cops, who proceeded to come and arrest him.

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What's three times More dangerous than a war? Three wars

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A pirate walks in to a bar. The bartender notices he has a steering wheel in the front of his pants, so he says to the pirate, "you know you've got a steering wheel in your pants, huh?" The pirate responds, "Arrrrrrrrr, it's for me carrrrr."

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You always hear of the 9/11 stories where people who work in the World Trade Centers were late that day or home sick or whatever. My mom also worked there. It was a normal morning, got up to make us breakfast, got us to school on time, the whole bit. After having to do all that stuff, she actually got to work on time, and she died in the attack.

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what is the difference between a picture of brooklyn decker and my grandma....i jack off to the picture of my grandma

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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