Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

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Two hunters are out in the woods, one of them collapses on the ground and his eyes roll back in his head. His friend whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps,"I think my friend is dead, what do i do?" The operator says,"calm down lets first make sure he's dead." There's a silence, then a shot. Sadly the man was not dead but extremely tired and could not carry on without rest.

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Roses are red, My name is Dave, This poem makes no sense, Microwave.

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did you know helen keller had a swingset? neither did she

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Why did the blonde woman decide to get plastic surgery? Because she was self-conscious and unhappy with the way she looked.

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My neighour knocked on my door at 2.30am last night, can u believe it? 2.30am? How rude I thought. Luckily I was still up, playing drums.

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Uh, Liz, he is staring at the screen... He says you are right and knows, so he cant get mad, ill trust you both, but it better work, or this one is on me. Oh by the way, yeah he is eating, sorry its late here, and I am the only nurse here about now Ironically this place is full of doctors but they dont seem to give a crap about the man that pays their checks. Doctors said no, Nero said "you are fired" Doctor changes his opinion, glad to see he is taking charge around here, I am just worried about his sleep, he is beginning to halucinate and I doubt any stimulants will help. But fine, ill trust you, sorry, really shaking my boots here, I really do not want to, but this is not about me.

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What do you call a mexican who steals toasters? A mexican toaster thief.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Actually, violets are violet

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What do you do when a bomb is exploding 2 inches away from you? You die.

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Two cows are sitting in a bathtub. One cow says please pass the soap. The other cow says nothing, cause it's a cow, making it incapable if speech. The other cow was just a guy in a cow costume.

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Why was Hellen Keller afraid to answer the phone? This situation is impossible because Hellen suffered from scarlet fever, therefore she could not see or hear the phone.

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What's better than rape? Consensual sex.

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I C U P White stuff

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Why do dragons shoot fire? I don't know, I'm asking you the question.

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A man walks into a bar... has a beer then leaves to his beautiful wife and his 2 children

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Two women that are both blonde were driving together down a hill. Suddenly, the brakes fail and one blonde says "Oh no, we're gonna crash. The blonde in the passenger seat says "Don't worry, there's a stop sign." Then the blonde driver says "I'm not dumb okay, that's yield sign.

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A Mexican, a Caucasian, and an African-American jump out of an airplane. They all die.

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T-mobile girl: Knock knock. Random person 1: Who is it? ...... *next house* T-mobile girl: Knock knock. Random person 2: Who is it? ...... *next house* T-mobile girl: Knock knock. Random person 3: Come in.

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If X = 3 and Y = 7, what is X + Y = ? It doesn't matter. You forgot to put your name on the test which means you got an automatic fail.

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a man offers an innocent little child some candy from his van upon arrival the child is raped and beaten suverily. -teagan doherty-

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What is the difference between a duck? None! One of their legs are both the same.

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what did one tree say to the other spruce up actually nothing because trees can't talk

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what did the blond do when her house was on fire? she called the fire department, because that would be the correct thing to do in such a situation.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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