Why did the black man die? Kidney Failure.

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I can't submit this joke because I got the captcha wrong

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What happens when your scared half to death...twice!!? Nothing, being scared half to death is an expression, you should not be fearing for your life.

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Why didn't little Billy's parents get him the new toy he wanted? Little Billy's parents are dead.

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A jew walked out of a bar then goes to the other bar across the street then walks out from the back door to go to another bar The Actions of this jew tells us that there are only 3 bars in the zone and one pet shop

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She had no arms. Knock knock Who is there? Not Suzie

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What is worse than getting shot in the leg? Getting shot in the head.

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Penis

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What is similar about Michael Jackson and Walmart? Nothing they have nothing to do with each other

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A: Did you know Helen Keller had a treehouse? B: No. A: Neither did she.

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Girl 1: I just can't find the man who'll make the perfect husband for me. Girl 2: Maybe you're asking for too much. Girl 1: Yeah, probably.

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Two black guys walk into a bar. The bartender says "what are you doing here" and the black guys say "to get a drink"....

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“Ok, time for bed” … is what I said to the empty living-room. It was getting late, and the internet no longer amused me. I picked up my cell phone, rooted through the couch cushions until I located the remote, and turned off the television that had been nothing but background noise for the last few hours. I made sure the front and back doors were securely locked, walked around the back of the couch, and turned off the only light. A tap on the screen of my phone created just enough light to keep from busting a toe on an errant table leg. Because my cats have an evil tendency to lie in the middle of the hallway, I aimed the small amount of light from my phone directly in front of my tired and shuffling feet. I’d only covered a small distance before I knew, from many nights of this same regimen, that I was getting close to the bedroom door. At this point my arm started the slow upward arc that would eventually illuminate the now pitch-black opening to the comfort of my room. The light emanating from my cell was quite dim, and this action had become quite rote, so my arc was about waist level before I noticed a slight variation of the familiar black of the open doorway. At that point, and in a disturbingly short amount of time, five things happened nearly simultaneously: My arm, the arm carrying the phone, continued to rise in its predetermined arc, having been an object in motion which would stay in motion. I released a small gasp and exclaimed to my husband that his sudden appearance in the dark had startled the breath from me. I remembered that my husband was at work. The light arc reached its apex on a face of protruding nail-like teeth. A face suspiciously bereft of eyes, with a gaping, oozing, bloody pit where a nose should have been. The light went out.

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What happened when the little girl said Bloody Mary 3 times in the dark? - She got her head smashed in the mirror, all of her intestines were neatly ripped out and was stabbed to death with No.2 mechanical pencils. Then her parents came home from dinner to find their daughter brutally killed in her own room. They notified police, opened a case and gave up after 12 years of searching for her killer. Both parents cried for the amount of years their daughter had been gone and they both decided to kill each other. The father raped the mom while slitting the back of her neck that led to her head being detached. Then the father left his pick up truck running and through his head toward the engine, which didn't really work. So he went back inside and watched Three and A Half Men.

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A woman walks into a bar She is raped.

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What's the best part of having sex with a twelve year old? Watching them cry when they prosecute against you.

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A: Knock, knock. A: Knock, knock! A: Um ... Knock, knock! B: Sorry, I didn't want to answer the door.

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What did the virulent Homophobe do during the PRIDE national day of silence? He talked.

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what do you call a cat that looks like a lion 7

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Whats the best way to tell if your wife has been cheating on you with the UPS guy? simply ask her, trust and communication in relationships are vital in their survival and growth.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I have no idea but I don't see why it would want to cross a road in the first place. It is a chicken.

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Q: What's worse than being raped by a giant scorpion? Getting raped by 2 giant scorpions, a fridge, some potatoes and a hule bunch of worms.

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"I see," said the deaf man, to the blind man, who had no ears.

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What is more annoying then finding a worm in your apple you

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

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The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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