Q: what's green and fluffy? A: green fluff

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What did the waiter say to an overweight customer? May I take your order?

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread.

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Whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and a car? I don't have a car in my garage.

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What did Newton say to Einstein? Nothing, Newton was dead before Einstein's birth.

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Why do skinny women eat their food fresh cooked? So that they don't contract food-borne diseases and risk dying.

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A doctor walks out of the delivery room, he then relieves a nervous father, telling him that his new baby girl has just been born with great health. The father sighs in relief as happiness overwhelms him. With such great news, the doctor chuckles and continues on with more information. Your wife died during the delivery.

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While on a business trip, a Jim got a call on his cell phone. It was his best friend. He was informing Jim of his wife's death in a terrible train crash. She didn't die on impact, but her legs were cut off by metal debris from the train car in front of her. She fought against the pain and used a shirt she found from a dead body to stop the bleeding. She managed to drag herself to the nearest road crossing, where someone drove her to the hospital. Despite her efforts to survive and the surgeons efforts to save her, she died that night as a result of excessive blood loss. After he hung up, Jim turned up the ringer volume on his phone because he couldn't hear it very well when it rang.

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what happens when a dog and a cat have sex? They create a beautiful baby that ends up dieing from cancer.

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Q: When birds fly in a "V", why is one side always longer? A: There is one extra bird on that side

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what is chuck norris's favorite food? lasagna.

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Jerry Sandusky walks up to the reception desk at a day care center. What does the lady at the desk say? Nothing, she promptly gives Mr. Sandusky his son and they leave.

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A man sees another man standing at the edge of a tall bridge looking down. Man: Don't jump! No one wants you to die. You have your whole life to live and I'm sure you will find happiness somewhere. I was once in the same position as you, questioning if god really wanted me on this earth at all. But I decided to make something of myself and now I am a very successful busness man. You can do the same if you just put your mind to it and put your troubles behind you. Other man: I was just admiring the view.

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What did the horse say to the cow? Nothing because animals cannot speak.

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The other day I went to the holocaust museum and it was horrible No air conditioning or cold drinks

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where did you get those clothes? at the toilet store.

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Q: What did the dog say to the owner when he took him to the vet? A: Nothing. It's a dog. It can't talk.

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A dog walked into a bar. He was a trained seeing-eye dog leading a man who had been blind since a tragic industrial accident a year before.

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This planking craze is really taking over... my elderly nextdoor neighbour has been planking in her garden for three days straight!

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Whats the opposite of purple? Your adopted

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An Irishman walked into a bar, except he would call it a pub, because there are slight differences in vocabulary in different regions, 37 minutes later he walked home safely, fed his cat, read some pages of a book he had been reading, turned the light off and went to bed.

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You're such a dork you were found on the bottom of a whale.

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Jack Stevens

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Carlos was attempting to write anti-jokes. He sucks at writing anti-jokes.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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