Skrillex.

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I'd like to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather did. Not screaming in terror like the rest of te people in his car.

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An animal entered my house tonight ! It could only be one thing : A bear or a dog.

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What do you call black man flying a plane? A pilot you racist bastard

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Q: Men are always very careful to have penises. Why don't women care enough to have them? A: That's a very good question.

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what's white and long and hairy? -Dean when hes on his period

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A man walks out of a bar. Gets in his car and crashes because drunk driving isn't safe.

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Why did dave not hug his wife? becuase he said she looked horrifying from the war in iraq.

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roses are blue violets are blue everything is blue I'm sad now

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A man dies on the operating table and finds himself in front of the Pearly Gates. St Peter looks at him and says " You are having a hallucination due to all the drugs they have given you and because your brain releases chemicals when you die. I am not real and there is not heaven or a god." Upon resuscitation the man contemplates his hallucination and becomes an Atheist.

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What Do Yu Call 2 gay guys? Tyquan And Dnautica

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Why was the Chinese man so sad? He's Asian.

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why did u put your iphone in the blender?!?!? because i wanted to make apple juice..

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A Jew, an Irishman and a Russian walk into the bar and the bartender says, "Get the Hell out."

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Why did the road cross the chicken? Well, according to Einstein's Theory of Special Relativity, if you and the chicken were to cross the road simultaneously, your perspective, relative to the chicken, would remain unchanged. Therefore, the road would appear to move underneath the chicken, which would seem to be performing some style of polka dance.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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Factors that can increase your risk of prostate cancer include: Older age Being black Family history of prostate cancer Obesity My friend's grandfather is black and obese, his 70th birthday is tomorrow and his dad died of prostate cancer

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Why did the Jewish man commit suicide? Because he was not happy with his life.

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What's the difference between a man and a woman? Generally speaking- biology, except in cases of transexuality.

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What do you call an elephant in a phone booth? Stuck

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Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then the man returns and says, "My friend does not have a pulse, so I stand by my prior assumption that he is dead."

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how do you make a homosexual man have sex with a woman? shit in her vagina

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Q.Why did the black man go to college? A. What does his race have to do with anything?

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Q. What do mummies do when they run out of toilet paper? A. Nothing - they're dead and inanimate.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops