If you have ten apples, and I take away three, then you will only have seven apples left, because ten minus three is seven. On the other hand, if I have a hundred apples, and you take away ninety-six, then I will call the police on you because that is stealing and it is not allowed. I will also remove you from my friends list on Facebook because stealing isn't nice.

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Life is confusing. Really how so? He just walked up to me five minutes ago with a pair of socks taped on both sides of his face saying humanity is screwed and ran off after peeing on my carpet.

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In Soviet Russia, there was a movement to be renamed into the Russian Federation, which passed on December 25, 1991.

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Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. He calls the right number.

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roses are red, violets are blue, some poems rhyme, some dont

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why did the shark bite the surf board? It thought it was turtle.

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A man goes to the doctor's office. The doctor says, "I have some bad news, and some worse news. The bad news is you have alzheimer's. The worse news is you have cancer." The man breaks down in tears.

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How many dead babies can you fit in a telephone booth? Mmm, strange question for my HSC maths exam...

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Whats the difference between a Cadillac and 100 dead babies? I don't have a Cadillac in my garage.

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What do you call a black elephant? An elephant.

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A duck walks into a bar. The bartender asks the duck "What'll it be?" The duck doesn't respond because it's a duck and it can't talk.

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What gets louder as it gets smaller? A baby in a trash compactor.

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Have you heard of the lawnmower joke? No neither have I

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a fat man walks out of mcdonalds

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how do you make a clown sad? you push it off a swing.

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Q. how does james bond like his babies A.shaken not stirred but if u think thats bad wait till u see a stirred baby

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How many band geeks does it take to catch a football? One, especially if he/she is on the football team.

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What's worse then failing a test. Being raped by a horse

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Y did the boy fall down the stairs???? He was In a wheel chair

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/\ The joke above was really dumb. \/ The joke below is pretty good.

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A family walks into a talent agency. It's a father, mother, son, daughter and dog. The father says to the talent agent, "We have a really amazing act. You should represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too cute." The mother says, "Sir, if you just see our act, we know you would want to represent us." The agent says, "OK. OK. I'll take a look." The family performs an array of disgusting sexual acts. For the longest time, the agent just sits in silence. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call it?" And the father says, "It has no name."

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why do jews like money? So they can support their family.

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what do you call a child with bruises on his face? Child protective services.

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I was sitting in traffic the other day. I was runover.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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