My girlfriend is getting an abortion tonight. Its a surprise.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

ROSE ARE BROWN VIOLETS ARE BROWN WHO SH*IT IN MY GARDEN!!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What has four wheels and flies? A pile of poop that's on four wheels.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

How do you make a Cowboy cry? You kill his family.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

There are two muffins in a oven, the first muffin is chocolate chip and the second muffin is blueberry.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Math: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 4 in the other, what do I have?" Answer: "An unreasonable amount of bottles to hold in two hands."

thumb_up thumb_down -8

You can lead a horse to water, and you can pick your friends, but you can't sneeze with your eyes open.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What do a purple cow and a red fire engine have in common? Both like eating pizza on Fridays, except for the red fire engine.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What's green, little, and eats rocks? A Little Green Rock-Eater What's green and has a thousand wheels? A lawn, I lied about the wheels! If I were to throw a rock down the a whole in the center of the earth (straight through) what would happen? The Little Green Rock-Eater would eat it!

thumb_up thumb_down -8

How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop? About 144 licks but everyone gets different answers because we all lick lollipops differently.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

What happened when the man asked the girl if he could borrow her pencil? Nothing, she was deaf

thumb_up thumb_down -8

a little boy goes down stairs on xmas day he has three presents the first one was a pair of socks the second one was a football and the third one was shin pads the boy was now crying really loud santa is outside laughing why? the boy has no legs

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why did the horse stop runnIng? His master beat him to death.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Q. How do you make your neighbor mad? A. Run his kids over.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

"...."-Hellen Keller

thumb_up thumb_down -8

SKnock Knock. Whose there? Why don't you open the door and find out instead of questioning the millions of other people that knock on your door everyday?

thumb_up thumb_down -8

why did miles cross the road? Because hes gay

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why did the old man go to the retirement home? The 75 year old man had a 45 year career in pluming and he thought it was a good time to retire after saving enough money to be happy and he could spend the rest of his life with his wife. The retirement home was also not that far away from his grandchildren so he liked the location and the home was also very clean and the workers seemed very nice. But this was just a visit to see if he liked it, he may live there soon.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

A: If a quiz is quizzical, what is a test? B: A test can be many things: 1. A procedure for critical evaluation; a means of determining the presence, quality, or truth of something; a trial: a test of one's eyesight; subjecting a hypothesis to a test; a test of an athlete's endurance. 2. A series of questions, problems, or physical responses designed to determine knowledge, intelligence, or ability. 3. A basis for evaluation or judgment: "A test of democratic government is how Congress and the president work together" (Haynes Johnson). 4. Chemistry a. A physical or chemical change by which a substance may be detected or its properties ascertained. b. A reagent used to cause or promote such a change. c. A positive result obtained. 5. A cupel. A: Oh.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Why was Timmy so unpopular at school? Because he caught aids of his pet rock

thumb_up thumb_down -8

I admit I don't know what the future holds, but one thing I know for sure is that... Lance Armstrong has only one ball.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

what did the left eye say to the right eye? "eye" see you

thumb_up thumb_down -8

If 1+1=2, then you must have passed first grade arithmetic.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Life is like a box of chocolates. The worst ones remind you of how horrible your life is.

thumb_up thumb_down -8

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops