whats worse than finding a worm in your apple. finding half of regis philbin in your apple...

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What is the difference between you and a brick? A brick gets laid.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

There were two friends, a girl and a boy. The girl had a ribbon tied to her neck, and every day the boy asked her why, yet she'd never tell him. They grew up together, and fell in love and still, she wouldn't tell him why she had the ribbon on her neck. They got married, and grew old, and still she wouldn't tell him. But one day, she said to him 'I'll show you why I keep this on my neck' and she took it off and her head fell off.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A woman was in the kitchen making a sandwich for her husband. Shortly after she brings the sandwich to him and he thanks her seeing as his disabled legs prevent him from walking to the kitchen and making one himself. His wife later heads to her job as a firefighter.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A black man and a Mexican are in a car. Who's driving? The cop. The two men were best friends who had taken off from their law firm. Alex had recently gone through a divorce and John decided to take him on a trip backpacking across Europe. One rainy night an off-duty police officer picked them up and took them out for drinks. The friends had a wonderful trip. But Alex never got over Jenny leaving him. 3 months later John found him dead in his home by auto-erotic asphyxiation.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks him, "Would you like a drink?". The horse cannot understand english and is confused by its surroundings. The horse gallops out of the bar knocking over a few stools

thumb_up thumb_down +6

There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge said, "Herp derp dur" to which Fridge's mother replied "Shut up, Fridge."

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A white guy jumps over the fence belonging to a Mexican family

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Boy:U a dime Girl: she said ur a quarter Boy:-_- dumb B***h

thumb_up thumb_down +6

a man walks into a bar, only it was an alternate universe so there were dogs running the bar. the bartender dog called human control because it was unsanitary to have a human in a bar. the human was then escorted out by another dog and was taken to a hotel where he received no continental breakfast.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

The baby started screaming in the dead of night. It woke up his mother, but his father did not be woken by it. why? Because the father left the mother some time ago, and emigrated to Australia with a new girlfriend, who is incidentially a model, and therefore he could not have heard hs child scream whilst on the other side of the world. His new girlfriend dosen't like him.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why did the gorilla have big nostrils? Because it was a trait passed on to him from his biological father.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Why did the black man get stuck to the ceiling? Because he was spiderman.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Whats worse than a worm in your apple? Two worms in your apple...

thumb_up thumb_down +6

I have two friends, Jeffrey and Barbara. You might think that Jeffrey likes sports and beer, and that Barbara likes knitting and cooking. But you'd be wrong, Barbara is dead.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

It was a beautiful day. Face.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

A priest, a nun and an Irishman walk into a bar. The barman says 'what is this, a joke?'

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Yo mama is so fat that her doctor advised her to get some exercise or risk developing a heart condition!

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What's worse than terminal cancer? Two terminal cancer?

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Guess what? What? You guessed correctly.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Whats green? The color green.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

What do you call a person driving a plane? Not a pilot, they fly planes.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

whats the difference between a Jew and a piece of pizza? pizza doesn't scream when its in the oven.

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Roses are red Violets are blue I was diagnosed as criminally insane Wanna be my friend?

thumb_up thumb_down +6

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops