What do you get when two chickens cross a road? -Salmonella stricken hobos

thumb_up thumb_down -27

A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

What was the baker a coward? He didn't have the "Bunz" to prove it!

thumb_up thumb_down -27

What's the difference a ham and bugs bunny? -When I see a ham on the dinner table, I eat it. When I see bugs bunny on the dinner table and asks me "what's up, doc?" I stay away from sugar for a while and get tested for heroin

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Q. What do you call a Widow's Husband? A. Dead...

thumb_up thumb_down -27

There were two blondes going to California for the summer, they are about two hours into the flight and the pilot gets on the intercom and says we just lost an engine but it is all right we have three more but it will take us an hour longer. A half hour later he gets on the intercom again and says we just lost another engine but its all right we have two more it will take us another half hour though. One of the blondes says "If we lose the two last engines we will be up here all day"

thumb_up thumb_down -27

A Black and a Mexican are in the back of a car, they are carpooling to save money on gas.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

What's the best anti-pest control of all time???? The Holocaust.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

What do you do when a burglar breaks into your house and tries to kill and rape you and you family? Nothing, he as an AK-47 and shoots you all dead and then has sex with your corpses.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

whats black and blue and white all over A little caucasian boy who is being abused by his parents

thumb_up thumb_down -27

Why do ducks have flat feet? To stomp out forest fires Why do elephants have flat feet? To stomp out flaming ducks

thumb_up thumb_down -27

A mexican and a black man are in a car. Who's driving? The black man. The mexican got his arms shot off in the war and is severely paralyzed. God Bless our troops. Thank you for serving us.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

How did the plumber fix the leaky faucet? Trick question. The plumber is actually an iguana.

thumb_up thumb_down -27

I am Asian, I've seen the color blue, but God made a mistake, Asians are taller than you.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Why is Abraham Lincoln a bad driver? Because he is dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

What would you do if Spider Man gave you super powers like his? Nothing. Spider Man is not real therefore you are most likely dreaming and need to wake up soon.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

So a man is in a car smoking weed when he forgets to crack a window so he over doses and dies. The car crashes and he kills 3 other people.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

yo momma is so stupid she went and got her self checked for mental retardedness and it turns out she happens to be autistic.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Why did sara fall out of the tree? -she had no arms.. Knock knock. -who's there? not sara.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Why did the man lose his job at the orange juice factory? Because the economy is shitty and none of the higher ups are willing to take a pay cut and they’re still paying themselves massive bonuses, the result of which are layoffs across all departments.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

You walk into a shopping centre, what wont you see? Madelin McCann.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

What is worse than a badly told joke? A badly told Anti-joke.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

A black guy walks into a kkk meeting.

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Ever heard of carpel tunnel? Well after that girl it was more like carpal toungal

thumb_up thumb_down -29

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops