- Anti Joke

If everyone in China jumped up and down at the same time they would lose all credibility as a nation for organising such a pointless excursion.

A kid walks into the car and the dad says, "Wear your seatbelt".

My Mom was strutting down the runway. Then she got trampled by a plane.

they're dead. idiot.

In 1284, while the town of Hamelin was suffering from a rat infestation, a man dressed in pied clothing appeared, claiming to be a rat-catcher. He loyally promised the townsmen a solution for their problem with the rats. The townsmen in appreciation and glad to get rid of the infestation promised to pay him for the removal of the rats, they were looking forward to being left in peace. The man pleased with their decision accepted, and played a mystical musical pipe to lure the rats with a joyous song into the Weser River, where all but one drowned. Despite his renowned success, the people reneged on their promise and refused to pay the rat-catcher the full amount of money. The man left the town angry and upset the people had betrayed his kindness, he did however vow to return some time later, seeking revenge. On Saint John and Paul's day while the inhabitants were happily sat in church, he played his pipe yet again, dressed in green, like a hunter, this time attracting the young and joyful children of Hamelin. One hundred and thirty boys and girls followed him out of the town, skipping in song as they went, where they were lured into a cave. The events that followed are now known as the 1284 mass child massacrer, in which all 130 children were raped and savagely tortured and killed one by one, each viscously taped and recorded for the pipe pipers satisfaction, where a copy of each tape was sent to their corresponding parents, this was before their bodies turned up dangling from a tree and the bottom of the village, all 130 of them unrecognisable from decomposition and mutilation the pipe piper had inflicted.

Why do black people have white hands and feet? Regardless of race or ethnicity, the skin on the palms and soles of the feet is always less pigmented than elsewhere on the body. In darker skinned people this fact is readily observable, but in light skinned people this feature of human biology cannot normally be discerned by simple visual inspection.

Why did the black man run out of the shop with items under his jacket? He was shopping for groceries, when his brother texted him, letting him know that his wife had just gone into labour. He then realised that it was a very miserable rainy day outside and he didn't have an umbarella, so he payed for his items, and ran to his car.

What do you call a fish with no eyes? Astyanax mexicanus, a subspecies of Mexican tetra that lives in a subterranean habitat and as such has structurally degenerate eyes that have atrophied over the course of evolution.

I scream, you scream, we all scream when we're chased by bears.

What did the blind man say when you asked hi his favorite color? Nothing he is death too

if you have two gay people, would their kid be gay too? oh wait....

Roses are red Violets are blue I have a gun Get in the van

Whats funnier than throwing a baby off the top of a building? The sound it makes when it hits the ground.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops

What do you call a chicken? You say bawk bawk bawk bawk cockadoodledoo

it was all Tagart

Why did Susie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock knock Whose. There? Not Susie.

my computer teacher just left the room. teehee JLR

What do you call a dear with no eyes? A no-idear

Why did the water in the lake disappear? There was a toilet at the bottom.

What does a squirrel get when it rains? It gets wet.

Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't it was hit halfway by a car.

Q: How are a plum and a rabbit alike? A: They're both purple, except for the rabbit.

caoimhin you satan of CHRIST IM A DICIPLE OF CHRIST UNLIKE YOU

whats long, hard and full of seamen submarine