Why couldn't Timmy ride his bike? He didn't have a bike, his family was very poor and did have much money. Therefore a bike for Timmy was the last of their concerns.

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There was an old lady from Ealing Who had a peculiar feeling She lay on her back Opened her crack And pissed all over the ceiling The old lady then lay in her own waste for over two weeks due to neglect by uncaring nursing home staff. Six months later, a hidden camera documentary on underperforming care homes exposed the abuse and neglect and the old lady went to live with her son and his family. In the early hours of May 14th 2011, the whole family were killed in a house fire that gutted the home and saw fires spread to neighbouring houses. Firefighters say the blaze originated in the spare room and was caused by exposed wiring on an electrical blanket. Forensic experts said that the repeated urination on the blanket would likely corrode the wiring due to the acidic content of urine.

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A man finds a woman stumbling around on the street... So he asks sarcastically "what drugs are you on?" The lady starts crying and says "I was raped"

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A duck, a goose, a turkey and a bald eagle were all flying together. All four of them were shot and killed by drunk hunters with machine guns. The hunters were promptly arrested by police authorities for shooting their national symbol. They were found guilty, and the other three birds were cooked for their last meals.

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What's the difference between a watermelon and a baby? One is fun to smash with a sledgehammer. The other is a baby.

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so a man walks into a bar..... and says ouch.

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Why did the woman leave the kitchen? She had finished her breakfast and had to get to her job as a firefighter.

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Hi. P.S: You have aids. P.P.S: Purple penis pumpernickel pie puppets.

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, as it was locked safely in the chicken coop.

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jim davidson , nick griffin , and bernard manning walk into a bar , and order a bitter, a lager, and a stout respectfully

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How do you kill a blond? Put a scratch and sniff at the bottom of a pool.

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You: Why did hitler go to hell? Them: Why? You: You're an idiot.

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How do u say hi to a black person JUST SAY HI RACIST

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justin beiber sucks

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What's red and smells like cherries. Cherries

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Whats the difference between a car and a baby? I would have a hard time throwing a car.

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You know why Michael J. Fox makes really good milkshakes? ... because he uses the best ingredients

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I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I have a pint or two.

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A man walks into a bar. He says ouch.

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What goes down well with whiskey? Pedestrians

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One,two,skip a few... five,six,seven,eight...(and so on ad infinitum)

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Why is the dog in the driver seat? Why is there birds making you filet mignon? Why is your toe blue? I don't know the answer. Go talk to your doctor

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Knock, knock. Who's there? George. George who? Oh sorry, I thought this was number 52. my mistake.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops