What did the archangel Michael say to Jesus? "Hello, Jesus."

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How do you make a baby stop crawling? Nail it to the ground

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A man is mowing the lawn. The mower stops, so he reaches down to see if something's stuck in the blades. What does he pull out? His finger.

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Why did the clown have a heart attack? He had long term heart problems.

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Why did they use the phone as a football? Because it was a phone-ball.

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I will ask you one question, and that will determine whether you can enter Heaven." The man nods nervously. St. Peter asks, "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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Your mother is so fat that LOWERLOWEOROLWERLOWEH OIRH OWER IOWEJ OR OIJWE :JWEJKLR

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How Dow you make a baby stop crying?? Hit it with a brick By smash45

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Why couldnt Hellen Keller drive? Because vehicles werent invented yet.

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What happens when you spend far too much money in a gambling machine during a solar eclipse on a leap year? You get poor.

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what would your nan do if she was alive right now? scratching the top of the coffin.

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Why did the boy fall of his bike? Becuase he was hit by a couch.

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So a plane flies into a world trade centre... That's not funny

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Where were guinea pigs created? Probably in Guinea Land or something.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Noooooooo...

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Why did the man have no friends? He mudered and ate someone in '86 and is rotting in prison.

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Why didn't the blonde hook up with the business man? Because he was a raging alcoholic and a severe smoker who was incapable of looking after his 3 kids and he has gone to jail 3 times for public nudity and beating his wife.

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Why didn't Superman save anyone on September 11? He was in a wheelchair.

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Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: Because he was forced, along with thousands of his poultry counterparts, on a march to meet their imminent death at a mass slaughterhouse. Upon being beheaded and processed, the meaty corpse was delivered to a local grocery store and cooked into a wholesome family dinner.

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class is canceled. My professor died.

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What did the big traffic light say to the little traffic light? It didnt it's a traffic light.

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Why doesn't the farmer have a dog? He doesn't like dogs.

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A horse walks into a bar the barmam asks why the long face The horse replies he's suffering from depression after his family was killed in a car crash and he has now turned to alcohol to sort his sorrows

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Knock-Knock Who's there? The UPS guy dumb ass

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops