How many days can a pelican whisper? Pelicans can't whisper.

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If Sally has 4 apples and Dan has 3 apples, how many apples do they have together? Red, because ducks have 2 legs.

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What did Jay Z say to his long lost friends? Allow me to reintroduce myself, my names Jay - Z

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Why did the kid drop his football? He had a heart attack

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Roses are nice, violets are fine, ill be the 6, if you be the 9!

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How did Nissan show its new car in there commircals By driving very fast and hitting fat kids $

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How did the Jew survive the holocaust? He didn't, he died.

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An elephant stomped on a mouse. What did the mouse say? Nothing, the mouse was incapable of speech due to the elephants actions.

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They say that men are from Mars, and women are from Venus. If that is true, then who on Earth are we? [L]

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Why didn't the Mexican have a job? Because stereotypes made employers unjustly reluctant to hire a hard-working, competent man.

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What is brown, white, and red all over? A part asian part white guy covered in blood after having her girlfriend have her period while they were having sex in a club in alaska near a military school that was abandoned and is now haunted but justin bieber took care of that.

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An man walks to a bra

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What's better than your mom dying? Chocolate Cake.

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how many babies does it take o paint a house depends on how hard you throw them

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Knock Knock Who's there? Orange Orange who? Hello, I am Sergent Henry Orange. I'm afraid your husband was shot down by an enemy aircraft. I'm sorry, he was a brave man.

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Knock knock Who's there? Cow Cow who? If you really think about it, it's really now

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A raccoon walks into a bar. He then proceded to bite 3 people before animal control got him. A black man, hispanic man and an asian man. Later they all walked to the hospital and were treated for rabies, they were all fine as rabies is normally not fatal when caught early. Moral- this story is racist cause the white man was completely unharmed, DONT DISCRIMINATE!

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Your momma is soooo poor... I don't know how she is so fat

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what did the homeless man get for Christmas? RAPED.

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Doctor: I bring grave news. Your wife is dying. She won't survive for another 100 years. Concerned and anguished Husband: Oh... that's ok! Doctor: Oh did I say years? I meant days! Oh the mirth! *The doctor breaks down into hysterical laughter, which the Concerned and Anguished Husband is furious to see, as the Doctor is taking delight out of such a grave situation.

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A boy spilt his milk on the floor, and then cleaned it up before his mum got home.

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What's the difference between a guy who sees the glass half empty and a guy who sees the glass half full? The first guy is happier because his tables tip more than the second guy's.

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why couldn't the bicycle stand up on it's own? because it was two tired

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Did you know that if you took all the elephants on earth and lined them up in space, that all the elephants would die???

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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