How do you get a blonde to stop talking? Hit her in the head with a brick.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What is the difference between Barack Obama and Simba from the Lion King? One is a cartoon character from a beloved Disney classic and the other is the current President of the United States of America.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

so a guy walks into a bar, he says nothing for he now has a concusion

thumb_up thumb_down +20

How did the chef bake 20 muffins for the king? My name is Bob.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Whats the difference between a bottle of coke and a black man stuck in a phone booth? one of them is comparing himself to a bottle of coke, the other is a bottle of pepsi

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Three men are stranded in a small rowboat. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. It became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down +20

there was once a jew

thumb_up thumb_down +20

hey chris what yu doing wit my back pack? using it..

thumb_up thumb_down +20

why did the chicken cross the road? Because there were no traffic.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road A: It didn't do it for any good reason,chickens are mindless and do random things,like crossing the road

thumb_up thumb_down +20

roses are red violets are blue i've got alzheimer's ...

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it is an animal without a high enough level of intelligence to see the dangers in doing so.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

I haven't left my basement in 29 years

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Q. Why did Obama cross the road? A. To collect taxes from the houses on the other side

thumb_up thumb_down +20

You can pick your ur nose u can pick ur friends u just can't pick ur friends nose.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why was the boy sad? Because he had a frog stapled to his face.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

What's funnier than the holocaust? Just about everything seeing how the holocaust is not a funny event, but rather enormous tragedy.... Assholes.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

HOW TO RE-AD : FOR DUMMIES. (HELLEN KELLER ADDITION)

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Q. What did the chinease man say when he got flattened by a plane? A. Nothing, he died instantly.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What do you call a man with no arms? Richard, as that is his name.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

A man walks into a bar. He is now passed out on the ground. (TD)

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Your momma's so old, she your family should be proud to know someone who has lived such a long and full life.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Wanna hear a race joke?.....whoops, ya missed it

thumb_up thumb_down +18

You stink so bad that you should cleanse yourself via shower and/or bath.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops