Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Man hears son masturbating in room. The dad enters the room and tells him "Son if you keep jacking off you will go blind". The boy replies "Dad I"m over here".

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How does a Welshman take a shit? Like anyone other human being does.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What do you call a bear with no teeth? A Gummy Bear!!

thumb_up thumb_down +16

are you from tennesse? cuase you sure look like a f u c k e d up redneck

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How many police does it take to change a lightbulb? None, they all beat the room for being black.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Once there was this duck. he was the best dentist in the world...

thumb_up thumb_down +16

yo mamma so black, she was left out in subzero temperatures for an extended time period and suffered major frostbite all over her body, causing it to become grotesquely black.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How many Black People does it take to change a lightbulb? One. Changing a lightbulb is a very simple task.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why didnt suzy give mary i high five? because i cut off her hand

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A black guy and a Mexican are in a car, who's driving? The taxi driver.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What's black and at the top of a burning building? A paraplegic

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Roses are red Violets are blue Your dog pooped on my lawn Now my violets are even more blue

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Where did Mary go when the bomb blew up? Everywhere.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

His Royal Highness was hunting in the forest accompanied by his squires and hunting dogs. A man, screaming, ran wildly out of the brush and addressed the hunting party. He said, "DON'T SHOOT! I AM NOT A MOOSE!! PLEASE DO NOT SHOOT!!!!" The king calmly raised his rifle to his eye and fired, hitting the man in the temple, and instantly killing him. A squire frantically turned to the king and said "Sire! Why did you kill this man?! He CLEARLY said he was not a moose!" The King replied "Oh! I thought he said he WAS a moose..."

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What's worse than one bee sting? Two bee stings. What's worse than two bee stings? The Holocaust. What's worse than the Holocaust? Three bee stings.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

When will Abe Vigoda be alive again? Never. There will never again be a time when Abe Vigoda will be alive. For example, Abe Vigoda will be dead for the entirety of the year 2038. He will continue to be dead if we move forward to the year 2091, and even if we keep jumping forward throughout history, stopping in the years 2250, 2871, and 3546, we will not land in an era when Abe Vigoda will be alive. Another way to look at this is to imagine Abe Vigoda had died in earlier years. Let's say he had died in 1902. Would he be alive today? The answer, sadly, is no. We get the same answer if we suppose Abe Vigoda had died in 1822, 1715, or ~ 85,200,000 BPE. To sum up, it is not precisely accurate to say that Abe Vigoda will be dead for a very long time. That implies a limit on the amount of time he will be dead. There is no limit.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Roses are red And heres something new Violets are violet They're not friggin blue

thumb_up thumb_down +16

One time, I called the police, but it was actually a fire. So my neighbors died.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What does a lonely man do on opposite day? I don't know. Why should we know what he does, that is both weird and illegal. Stalking is a serious crime and should not be used. We do not know what he does on normal days, thus we cannot come to a conclusion to this question. However, I do hypothesize that he must be social on this day because this is the opposite of lonely.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did Mia fall off of Lucy's bike? Because Lucy didn't like Mia and shot her in the face.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What do gay kittens eat? Cat food. Friskies and Fancy Feast are both popular brands.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? All of it.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why was Timmy late for class? He got hit by a bus. Why was Jimmy late for class? He saw Timmy lying in the middle of the street, went out to help and got hit by another bus.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops