what did the lawyer say to the lawyer? "whats up lawyer?" what did the banana say to the banana? nothing bananas dint talk...

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Roses are red, violets are red, tulips are red, oh shit my gardens on fire!!!

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A girl is talking with her boyfriend - God, you're selfish!!! - No, i sell meat.

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How do you kill a deer? You don't, you just let it be because that's what a decent human being would do.

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whats the hardest part about eating a vegitable getting your mouth around the wheelchair.

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If I could slow down time I would have become a super criminal or something, no, my movements become slower also, ever heard of a game Max Payne? The character can slow down his perception of time and still aim his gun normally while he himself moving at the same speed as the rest. I well... when time seems to go slower, my thoughts do not, so yeaaah, Except my fast reactions also make me wear myself out faster to the point where I got injured a lot as a kid, like smacking my wrist against arcade games and stuff, broke my wrist, as a teen, still hurts when it rains, yeah weird but true.

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What do you call John Lennon without glasses? A skeleton, because John Lennon is dead.

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What's funnier than 10 dead babies in a trash can? 1 dead baby in 10 trash cans.

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What is the biggest lie ever? "I have read and agreed to the Terms of Use"

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A blonde just got a call from her boyfriend. He said i'll meet you at your house, so the blonde drove home, excited. Once the blonde got home her boyfriend was having sex with another girl. The blonde burst into tears and pulled out her gun then stuck it to her head. " No dont do it!" her boyfriend said!...... the blonde, not knowing what to do next said, " Shut up you cheater you're next!"

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was drunk.

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Knock knock "Who's there?" "Bark bark" "Bark Bark who?" "Bark bark bark bark bark bark."

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There was a man posting an anti-joke... He had no life

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Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

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What did the Asian say to the American? herro. rook at me. i have round eye i american!

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chinga tue madre Ryan

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What did the boy dog say to the girl dog? Ruff

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A blond, a brunette, and a redhead got into a street fight. who won? The redhead because she had a gun.

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Why was the chair sad? It wasn't, for chairs do not posses the proper attributes to feel emotions such as depression.

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Why was six afraid of seven? 7 is greater than 6. Didn't you learn about number lines in 3rd grade?

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Dont listen to your heart all it dose is BEAT BEAT BEAT

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What did the five fingers say to the face? Nothing. Fingers cannot talk.

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What did Joe get for his first birthday? Nothing he died at birth

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What's black white and red all over? Steegers.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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