a duck walked up to a lemon aid stand and he said to the man running the stand... quack

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There was a chicken. It squarked.

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what did the man say when he was reading a book? nothing, if u assume the situation when hes reading to himself.

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They say animal behavior can warn you when an earthquake is coming. Like the night before that last earthquake hit, our family dog took the car keys and drove to Arizona.

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I was jacking off I don't use my hand tho, I just use my gf's vagiina

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What is the biggest lie of 2011? "I do"- Kim kardashian

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How do chinese name their kids? They drop silverware

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Why did Piglet look in the toilet? He was probably fascinated by the flush.

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what happened when u got some swag? i don't know u still don't have any

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Whats funny about a guinea pig water skiing? The part where he explodes.

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Hey whats sad about 4 black people going over a cliff in a cadillac. Nothing

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What did the Japanese man name his black baby? -Som Ting Wong :)

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Its Eliza, hope you are still there, would you mind getting here sooner? This site is not safe, besides its cold here, I mean send somebody else if you got to, I might look frail but Nero taught me a thing or two, so I can honestly say that Nero taught me better than you guys just in case. Funny you say there is no code, yet add three, yeah you better expect nothing "fancy", Mr.Torture dungeon master. Honestly though I do not blame you, and if I really meant you where a psycho, I would not have agreed/asked you showed up, I am serious I need to get out of here.

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How do you make a sausage roll? Wrap some sausage meat in a pastry dough made of plain flour, water, salt and fat, and bake it in an oven.

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I was watching Fox news.

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What would Abraham Lincoln do if he were alive today? Scream and scratch at the lid of his coffin.

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People always say if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say Anthony at all. Mimes must be full of hate.

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I will ask you one question, and that will determine whether you can enter Heaven." The man nods nervously. St. Peter asks, "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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Q: If you're driving down the street in your canoe and the wheels fall of, how many pancakes does it take to shingle your dog's garage? A: 27, because bananas have no bones.

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Why did the man have no friends? He mudered and ate someone in '86 and is rotting in prison.

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class is canceled. My professor died.

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What happens when you spend far too much money in a gambling machine during a solar eclipse on a leap year? You get poor.

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Why couldnt Hellen Keller drive? Because vehicles werent invented yet.

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Whats worse than the holocaust? Ryan

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops