what did the dog say to the cat? bark what did the cat say to the dog? nothing it ran away

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why couldn't the mexican make a taco? He died.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Whats worse than losing your entire family in a car accident? Luikimia

thumb_up thumb_down -3

How did the hot blonde get a promotion from her boss? She worked really hard and achieved more thaan her coworkers.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Knock Knock. Who's there? You Know. You Know who?.......GOODBYE!

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Knock Knock. Who's there? Boo. Boo who? No I said Lou. Oh hey Lou come on in.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Something strange in you're neighborhood. Who you gonna call? The police.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Roses are red Violets are blue Daises are white And Pansies hold hands and skip

thumb_up thumb_down -3

i used to take arrows to the knee,til i took one to the balls.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What's red and green and goes 500 mph? A frog in a blender.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why couldnt the man stop dancing? He had Parkinson's.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why did the ground beef taste funny? Because little Timmy fell in the grinder.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

A dyslexic man into bar walks a.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

One day, a Hippo was riding a scooter and an ant was sitting on the back seat. Suddenly they meet with an accident. They both fall from the scooter on their heads but only the hippo gets hurt. How??? Because the ant was wearing a helmet.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Q: where was Johnny during the bombing? A: everywhere

thumb_up thumb_down -3

The kid wakes up in the middle of the night to get some water. But over hears sounds from his parents room. he looks through the keyhole. Then he comtinues walking and says. "Why does mom say i cant suck things?"

thumb_up thumb_down -3

A lonely man walks into a Self-Esteem class. He sits alone in the back because of his low self-esteem. Forever alone.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

How did the young boy cross the road? He was stapled to the chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Ps. I am getting green thumbs, which is weird, I never even expected for anyone to even bother to read my fucking long comments,but then again... As my wife said, " I am not pissed at the fact that members of my movement dont depend too much of my advice in order to get along in life for nothing". True, while horsehead network might mock me, and my "blood family hate and/or fear me" It takes only a look into my wife`s eyes to feel like a God... All while I got many thousand members of Neronism worldwide waiting for me to cope with my past so they can worship me (which pisses me off, it was never my intention, I give them life advice on how to shape their own life, not on how to cling to me). Nero: Neronism, look it up, join me, stop looking for the answers in religion, but stand up for yourself and realize that there is no reason to wait for life after death, when we together, can create heaven on earth. Yes esteemed members, I am back on my feet, and I am wearing my ortopedic arm made of steel again, consider it symbolism. Its free btw, your money is worthless to me, if you choose to see life for what it is in the eyes of a true human being, then you on the other hand, are worth as much as I am... What I am worth is something I will leave up to your opinion, because sure as fuck if I dont consider myself better than people most already. Its time to push forward again, led by a fist of steel.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why I am at the hospital now: True as it gets. I found on my working desk a small box of fluoride pills, I was like meh, but it said banana, strawberry, mint and pear, so I was like yeah! And grabbed a mouthful before going URGH! Then my friends entered laughing saying "I hope you do well on that test tomorrow!" So yeah, I passed out, and it turns out my "friends" (victims ill torture to they beg for death). 80 MG OF VALIUM!!! Yeah good trucking luck on my test eh? I nearly died twice, somehow, I think I should ask doc if my heart is okay or something, my head is fucked up the floor is all wavy and I cant differentiate numbers Seriously, one guy was gonna come visit say sorry, but he sent his girlfriend instead... My wife was so worried, that when I said: Mind if I have my vengeance by screwing his girlfriend? My wife said: I was so worried, you still okay? That actually sounds like a good scheme... So, yeah... I am typing this because, I am totally going to have a threesome... When and if my ever wakes up again... She agreed... She was always kinda into me but still! If you dont understand this, well... Next time, if you want to poison me, USE SOMETHING THAT KILLS ME! BECAUSE I WILL BE BACK!

thumb_up thumb_down -3

What did the man give his wife for her anniversary? Nothing. The man is a raging alcoholic and forget her anniversary due to his high alcoholic intake during the past few weeks. Even if he did remember he most likely didn't care after seeing his wife cheat on him with another woman putting his marriage into shambles.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Q: What do you call a Chelsea fan on the moon? A: A Problem. Q: What do you call 100 Chelsea fans on the moon? A: An even bigger problem. Q: What do you call all the Chelsea fans on the moon? A: Problem solved hahaha Q: What would you get if Newcastle were relegated? A: 45,000 more Chelsea fans

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was a chicken and was probably not aware that it was walking across a road at all, especially considering that it was likely in a low-traffic rural area.

thumb_up thumb_down -3

How do you have problems paying your monthly mortgage if you live in a box emmanuel

thumb_up thumb_down -3

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops