- Anti Joke

Two cats are sat on a window ledge. One cat looks to the other and says "Meoww".

What's red and bad for your teeth A brick

How do you get your sister to stop wearing your underwear? Throw up on her.

Why'd the black man smell awful... Because he hadn't showered in multiple days

How do you burn Lebron James's house? With fire.

Why do girls wear makeup and perfume? Because they are ugly and they stink.

What is green and red and flies 100 miles an hour? Super Frog.

Why did the chicken open door? It can't. Chickens don't have hands.

A man goes to his doctor and says, "Help me, my wife thinks she's a chicken." The doctor recommends a nearby psychiatrist to analyze the wife's mental instability, and inevitably she is housed in an insane asylum. The husband commits suicide.

What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? Jews are human beings. Pizza is a type of food.

What do you call a lot of goose in one place? geese

My Jimmy Saville advent calendar is rubbish. It only opens from 1 to 16.

Whats pink and silver and runs into walls? A baby with forks in its eyes. Whats green and silver and sits in a corner? The same baby three weeks later.

What do you call a gay man? Homosexual

Tell me you're a rapist. You're a rapist. This joke makes no sense. Mashed potatoes.

What is the difference between a dead baby and a watermelon? One is fun to hit with a sledgehammer while the other is just a water melon.

What does a hooker eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner? Food.

Two Muslim men board an American Airlines jet. Nobody feels threatened and engage in friendly conversations with the passengers. The aircraft explodes due to poorly manufactured engine parts made by small starving children.

Knock Knock. Who's there? William. William who? You friend...William...you invited me over.. Can I come in?

Q: Why did the Jew fit in with the White people? A: Because he, and his compatriots, have accepted the view of Judaism as a religion, and perhaps a lifestyle -- but not a race.

There once was a mountain climber. He loved to climb mountains. He had climbed all of the world's tallest peaks...except Mount Everest. So, one day he decides to climb Mount Everest. He takes weeks and weeks to prepare himself. He trains and trains three times a day till he thinks he is ready to climb Mount Everest. Climbing up it takes forever. It feels like it has been days in the dreary cold. Finally, he reaches the peak. It is a glorious occasion. On the way down, a huuuuge storm rolls in. He falls down a cliff and breaks both of his legs. The pain is unbearable. He screams and screams but no one hears him. Finally after what seems like days, a group of monks find him and carry him to their monastery. Chapter Two Once the man wakes up he thanks the monks for saving his life. They give him a room, food, and nice clothes. Every night in his room, he hears a banging behind his dresser. It is really loud and he is quite annoyed by it. The next morning he asked the head monk what the noise is. The head monk says " I cannot tell you, you aren't a monk." He hears the banging noise every night. HE asks the head monk every morning but he always says he cant tell him because he isn't a monk. So the climber decides to become a monk. After years and years of training to become a monk, he finally becomes one. Chapter Three So he says to the head monk, " I am a monk, so now can you tell me?" The head monk replies, " I can't tell you, but i can help show you. So he pushes the drawer back and reveals a little door, He gives the man a lantern and says to go through it. The man goes through the door into a little, dark tunnel, eager to finally find out what the noise was. He crawls for what seems like hours and hours and hours and days and days and days and days. He finally gets to the door where the banging noise is and opens the door. What he sees amazes him. Do you want to know what the banging noise was? I cant tel you, you aren't a monk!

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

Q:What's colorful and waves like a flag? A: A flag.

What would you do for a klondike bar? Pay the manufacturers suggested retail price.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

Want more? You might be interested in...

Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops