Q. Why did the chicken cross the road A. Because he needed to get to the other side

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A man walks into a bar, ouch!

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What did the father give to his son with terminal cancer for his 5th birthday? Nothing the kids going to die anyway

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I was watching two muffins baking in an oven. One said to the other, "Wow, it's hot in here." The other one said "Wow! A talking muffin!" I went to my psychiatrist the next day, to increase the dosage on my medication.

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“Ok, time for bed” … is what I said to the empty living-room. It was getting late, and the internet no longer amused me. I picked up my cell phone, rooted through the couch cushions until I located the remote, and turned off the television that had been nothing but background noise for the last few hours. I made sure the front and back doors were securely locked, walked around the back of the couch, and turned off the only light. A tap on the screen of my phone created just enough light to keep from busting a toe on an errant table leg. Because my cats have an evil tendency to lie in the middle of the hallway, I aimed the small amount of light from my phone directly in front of my tired and shuffling feet. I’d only covered a small distance before I knew, from many nights of this same regimen, that I was getting close to the bedroom door. At this point my arm started the slow upward arc that would eventually illuminate the now pitch-black opening to the comfort of my room. The light emanating from my cell was quite dim, and this action had become quite rote, so my arc was about waist level before I noticed a slight variation of the familiar black of the open doorway. At that point, and in a disturbingly short amount of time, five things happened nearly simultaneously: My arm, the arm carrying the phone, continued to rise in its predetermined arc, having been an object in motion which would stay in motion. I released a small gasp and exclaimed to my husband that his sudden appearance in the dark had startled the breath from me. I remembered that my husband was at work. The light arc reached its apex on a face of protruding nail-like teeth. A face suspiciously bereft of eyes, with a gaping, oozing, bloody pit where a nose should have been. The light went out.

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Q: What is usually black , is a rectangle and has two circles? A: An i pod touch 4

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A Mexican walks into Taco Bell, because it is the only restaurant within walking distance of his workplace.

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Roses are Red, Vilots are blue Im going to kill myself Bye

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Why was the boy holding his breath? A man was holding his head under water.

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How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two, but the real question is why there are two flies having sex inside a light bulb.

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Whats long and hard? a baseball bat

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why navy seals ? they shot osoma bin laden in the face...... multiple times

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Who is a pussy? Jeff Misner

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What's the best part of twenty one year old's? Their bodies have matured enough that the U.S. government deems it safe for them to consume alcoholic beverages with proper I.D.

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why did joe drop his clock? billy ran into him, therfore making the clock wobble in his hand until it fell at 34 mph.

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Joseph Coney could die... or worse... he could do anything but that....

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why did the boy fly away because his mum shot him out of a cannon

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? A worm in your intestinal tract.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? She's dead.

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Happy Birthday!! Have some meth cupcakes.

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Roses are red Violets are blue I'm Scizophrenic And so am I.

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Knock Knock I have a f*cking doorbell you asshole

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2 bald men are standing on an oval, one turns to the other and says "leukemia."

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What's funnier than cancer? Just about anything. There's nothing funny about terminal illnesses.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops