what happens when an unstoppable force hits an unmovable object? it goes around.

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What do you do if a goose comes flying towards you? Duck.

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Hey man. what? squidbillies.

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A man walks into a psychiatrists office with a banana in his ear. The psychiatrist says, why do you have that banana in your ear. The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist says, "I said, 'Why do you have that banana in your ear?" The man says, "What?" The psychiatrist shouts, "I SAID, WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT BANANA IN YOUR EAR?" The man says, "Sorry, I can't hear you, I'm deaf." (props- Marty Smith)

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life is like a penis, short but feels long when it's hard.

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Whats black and blue and red all over? A housewife that was recently abused by her alcoholic wife. (from will c. and jack f.)

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Q: how do you get a live elephant into a refrigerator? A: you buy an industrial sized refrigerator from cost-co and then walk the elephant slowly but surely through the door. Q: how do you get a giraffe in a refrigerator? A: after removing the elephant by means of walking out the door, slice the giraffe into small pieces approx. 1m by 1m by 1m and put those into the refrigerator

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Roses are Red, Violets are Red, Everything is Red, Retinal Hemorrhage.

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TELL

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How do you turn that frown upside down? You move many muscles in your face.

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Why couldn't kitty drink it's milk?\ It's face was nailed to the floor

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How do you stop a blind kid from walking into oncoming traffic? .................to late!!!!!!!

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Why didn't Johnny ride his bike to school today? Because it is Saturday

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What do you call a sober man driving a car? a designated driver

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Yo momma's so poor, she needs to work 2 jobs to support her family.

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A Jew walks into a bar screaming cause he just broke his face

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why is my wife crying? because she doesn't like tomatoes

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Why does the kid cries when he sees me? Cuz i took his lollypop last week.

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How do you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator? You find someone you trust and say "an elephant has been in my refrigerator".

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"Torture the orphans as much as you want. Who they gonna tell? Their parents?"

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What did the T-Rex say to the chicken? Nothing. First of all because the Tyrannousaurus Rex has been extinct for over 65 million years and secondly because Tyrannousaurus Rex's and chickens are both animals of lower intelligence so they cannot talk to one another.

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Why did Justin Bieber jump out of the airplane? He didn't, i pushed him

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why did every one care when i killed my self they didn't

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was Hellen Keller.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops