Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have Alzheimers, Bus....

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Why couldn't anybody at school taste lunch? Nobody made lunch.

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One day a object is flying overhead in a city and a man in a crowd of pedestrians yells, "It's a bird!" another man yells, "It's a plane!" No one else says anything as they stare at the two men that had become so excited about a possibly seeing a bird or an airplane.

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Why does Derrek Ashmore act so feminine on his facebook statuses? Because he has a vagina so it is appropriate for him

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Why can't you get a pterodactyl use the bathroom? Because they're extinct.

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Do you know what the zombie said? Raaargh Brains

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Did I tell you about when I hit a cat with my car? No, what happened? I hit a cat.

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What did the Ginger get for his birthday? A soul...................................……................……………•

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Where is Sally hiding? She was kidnapped and has probably been murdered, I lied about her hiding.

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Roses are red Violets are blue The sky is also blue

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Why did the boy cry? Because he was a crybaby

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What is covered in red and has two legs? Half a cat.

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What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor.

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Why couldn't Billy see the show? Because Billy is blind.

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what did the boy get after his first communion? unwanted intercourse with his priest that resulted in scaring him for life, until the day he killed himself because he could never get over it.

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What did the tractor say to the farmer? Nothing, tractors don't talk

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what do you call and man that has a twitch every time someone say tissue broken arm, leg, hand, collar bone and there iphone? A mentally and physically demented man that needs serious help from a psychotherapist otherwise matter would get increasingly worse

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What happens to a black man when he jumps into a pool of clorox? He turns white!

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Q: Suzy loves apples, she will do anything to get her hands on an apple. Why didn't she eat Tom's apple? A: She ate someone elses apple and then he killed her before she could get to tom's!!!

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A horse, a duck, a pig, and a mus lim walk into a bar. The horse ducks, the duck's hoarse, the pig's in a blanket, and the mus lim has a can, being surprised at how far a can can preach hate in Chicago. The bartender reminds the mus lim that he's keeping company with a swine, and the mus lim feels offense for the poor horse.

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What does a lonely man do on opposite day? I don't know. Why should we know what he does, that is both weird and illegal. Stalking is a serious crime and should not be used. We do not know what he does on normal days, thus we cannot come to a conclusion to this question. However, I do hypothesize that he must be social on this day because this is the opposite of lonely.

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Three men, a doctor, a lawyer, and a biker were sitting in a bar talking over a few drinks. After a sip of his Martini, the doctor said, "You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I bought my wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedes. I figure if she doesn't like the diamond ring, then at least she will like the Mercedes, and she will know that I love her." After finishing his scotch, the lawyer said, "Well, on my last anniversary, I bought my wife a string of pearls and a trip to the Bahamas. I figured if she didn't like the pearls, then at least she would have enjoyed the trip, and she would have known that I loved her." The biker then took a big swig from his beer, and said, "Yeah, well for my anniversary, I got my old lady a t-shirt and a vibrator. I figured if she didn't like the t-shirt, then she could go f*** herself."

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A man had come into a bar. No wait, it was a horse. A man had come into a horse.

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What do you call a women with 2 black eyes? Hopefully nothing because abuse is something that shouldn't be messed with and it is wrong.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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