Whats long and hard? a baseball bat

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Roses are black, Violets are black, Everything's black, I'm blind.

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Guy 1: Why did Captain Hook die? Guy 2: Because he wiped his anus with a hook? Guy 1: No, because everyone dies.

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What did the T-Rex say to the chicken? Nothing. First of all because the Tyrannousaurus Rex has been extinct for over 65 million years and secondly because Tyrannousaurus Rex's and chickens are both animals of lower intelligence so they cannot talk to one another.

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Yo mama's so fat she threw a rock at the ground and missed.

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-I thought the lesson had started? -It has

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A cat walks into a bar. The bartender says "What would you like to drink?" The cat says "Meow."

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Why couldn't Sophie brush her hair? She had leukemia

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so a blonde walks into a bank, opens her purse, pulls out her check and cashes it. She then returns to her car and proceeds home.

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What's long and sexy? The Eiffel Tower

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Why couldn't the boy watch the R-rated movie? Cuz he was blind.

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What did Billy get his dad for Father's day? Nothing, his dad was killed by a spinning helicopter blade when Billy was 3.

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Why do They call a horse a horse? Because They speak English.

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A man walks into a bar. He leaves a large rucksack by the pool table and walks out. The rucksack then explodes and kills 13 people because it is the height of the Troubles and the man is a member of the IRA, who targetted the bar because it is regularly visited by British servicemen. The media extensively cover the story, and the two sides of the conflict in Northern Ireland decide that the bloodshed must stop, which eventually made way to the Good Friday agreement of 1998.

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What did the hooker get for Christmas ? AIDS.

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How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

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What did Christopher Columbus say to his men before they got on the ship? Get on the ship.

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What did the man say to the cat? Nothing it had his tongue

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How can you get an asian kid to flunk a class? You can't.

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How do you get four gay guys to sit on one barstool? It's quite difficult, it would be easier to just get 3 more barstools.

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What did hitler give his granddaughter? A gas bill.

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Two girls are in a car together. The one in the drivers seat is texting while driving. The girl in the passengers seat notices this and tells her the she should put it away in case of a risk of a collision. She apologizes and puts it away and the two of them drive to the store unharmed and continued their normal day.

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Q. Where do all funny jokes come from? A. The people who made them up

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How do you get a bird off the roof you throw an ax at it

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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