Q: How do you make a five year cry twice? A: There are many ways, as children are generally not that adept at controlling their emotions. Loud noises, threats of violence, images of scary monsters... those tend to work. Be sure to let them stop crying before making them cry again, otherwise you will have only made them cry once.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Why'd Mary fall off her bike? Because she was hit by a bus. Knock knock? Who's there? Not Mary... O.o

thumb_up thumb_down -18

A horse walks into a bar... The bartender says, "Why the long face?" The horse says, "I have testicular cancer........"

thumb_up thumb_down -18

"Lets begin, tell me about yourself," "ok, well first I'm a open book and..." "ok next" "why?" "I fucking hate books!"

thumb_up thumb_down -18

YO MAMA SO SHORT she should really consider wearing long tunic-like blouses, prints that contain vertical stripes, and heeled shoes with a pointed toe in order to create the illusion of length to her silhouette. That having been said, society's limited definition of beauty is quite inadequate for the diverse and progressive world in which we live.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Two horses were in a field. One said "this is a good place to hide". The other said, "well, let's hope they don't Findus here!"

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Why doesn't the farmer have a dog? He doesn't like dogs.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

8===D

thumb_up thumb_down -18

wut did the cow say to the other cow thet's get a moo shake

thumb_up thumb_down -18

How man people does it take to screw in a light bulb? 1 an electrician

thumb_up thumb_down -18

How did the blind man escape the mugger? He ran into a bus.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

You idiot.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Why is a duck? Because one leg is both the same.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Knock-Knock Who's there? The UPS guy dumb ass

thumb_up thumb_down -18

What did the big traffic light say to the little traffic light? It didnt it's a traffic light.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

The schoolboy said to the bus driver, this is my stop the bus driver replied "no, we have a while to go yet"

thumb_up thumb_down -18

An over weight naked black guy walks into a bank and says "give me all your money!"

thumb_up thumb_down -18

How many British people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Two. One to screw in the lightbulb, and one to hold the flashlight because the room is probably dark.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

This is my favorite antijoke.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Why couldn't the little girl swing? She didn't have any limbs.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Roses are red. Violets are blue. You honstly thought i would cry over you? Well guess what player, You just got played too!

thumb_up thumb_down -18

How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall? First of all, babies do not have the physical ability or the mental capacity to ever paint a wall, no matter how many of them there are. Second of all, they are dead which probably will not increase their chances of painting said wall.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Whats funny about a guinea pig water skiing? The part where he explodes.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

what did the man say when he was reading a book? nothing, if u assume the situation when hes reading to himself.

thumb_up thumb_down -18

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops