How do you stop a drunk driver? With a minivan and family of four.

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There's an Irishman, a homo-sexual, and a Jew standing at a bar. What a fine example of an integrated community!

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What's hairy and sags? A ball sack

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How do you get a blond out of tree? Shoot her in the head.

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What do you call a penguin that hangs around in playgrounds? A paedophile.

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Steven hawkings shook my hand

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How many Poles does it take to change a lightbulb? Just the one, usually.

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If I could slow down time I would have become a super criminal or something, no, my movements become slower also, ever heard of a game Max Payne? The character can slow down his perception of time and still aim his gun normally while he himself moving at the same speed as the rest. I well... when time seems to go slower, my thoughts do not, so yeaaah, Except my fast reactions also make me wear myself out faster to the point where I got injured a lot as a kid, like smacking my wrist against arcade games and stuff, broke my wrist, as a teen, still hurts when it rains, yeah weird but true.

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A boy walk in. What did you think I was gonna add "into a bar"? Also, boys under the age of 21 aren't allowed to drink.

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Up High. *high fives* In The Middle *high fives* Down Low *high fives* In the Grass *high fives* You've been diagnosed with prostate cancer.

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What do you call a muslim in an airport? A muslim going on vacation you racist bastard.

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Why did Sally fall off the swings? She had no arms. Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Sally.

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What happens if you punch a girl? An equal rights protest.

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What did the man say to his wife. Hi

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What did the bank teller say after the man asked for a pen? Would you prefer black or blue?

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your mum

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An older man and a young boy are holding hands and walking into the woods together. The boy looks up and say, "gee, I'm scared, it's dark in there." the old man answers, "Yeah, just think how I feel....I have to walk out of here alone!"

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What did the sleepy man say to his wife? I'm sleepy.

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Q: Men are always very careful to have penises. Why don't women care enough to have them? A: That's a very good question.

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Jax vs Pig Jax: HOHAHOHOHAHOHAHOHA... Etc Pig *spinning head like neck is gonna break off* Shao Kahn: FINISH HIM! Jax: GOT YA! OH YEAH... BEASTIALI*Y, BEAST*ALITY? AGAIN?

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What did the wall say to the other wall? Nothing, walls are inanimate things therefore it cannot talk.

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Q. Why didn't the man tell his girlfriend about his big lottery win? A. Because it was none of her business.

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Q. Where did Little Timmy go for Christmas? A. Auschwitz

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Knock Knock The guy opens the door

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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