What do you call a man with no arms and no legs? That depends on what his name is.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

yo mama so old that back in her school she didnt have history class

thumb_up thumb_down -14

It's a bird! No, it's a plane! No, it's actually a bird. You can see its wings flapping.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why did sally fall of of the swing she had no arms

thumb_up thumb_down -14

A cat playing laser tag.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why doesnt snow like Asians? Snow is a form of precipitation within the Earth's atmosphere in the form of crystalline water ice, consisting of a multitude of snowflakes that fall from clouds. Since snow is composed of small ice particles, it is a granular material. It has an open and therefore soft structure, unless packed by external pressure. Snowflakes come in a variety of sizes and shapes. Types which fall in the form of a ball due to melting and refreezing, rather than a flake, are known as graupel, ice pellets or snow grains. Therefore since snow is unhuman they are then thus incapable of emotions because they lack any vitals organs.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Your in Thailand on a Elephant ride... at the end you jump off but uncle jack is still on the elephant and the elephant wont let him off.... Do you help your uncle, Jack off the elephant?

thumb_up thumb_down -14

have u been drinking cannabel soup because you........ahhhhh!!!!! why are you trying to eat me!

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why couldn't Helen Keller drive? At age two, she contracted an illness that left her blind, deaf, unable to speak, and was considered backwards of intelligence. She lived in a dark and hopeless world of her own, rendering her unable to do anything, let alone drive.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What did the depressed girl say to her mother? I cut my wrists

thumb_up thumb_down -14

If a llama walks into a jewelry store and a carrot has no feathers, then why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't. It got hit by a car because chickens are simple creatures and don't understand the complex rules of the road.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Once upon a time there was a chicken...the chicken married a dog. They dog and the chicken had little baby dog-chickens then the daddy dog killed the mummy chicken by eating her. The baby doggie-chicks saw and tried to run away but the daddy dog ate them too. Moral of the story: Marry someone who can't eat you ;)

thumb_up thumb_down -14

lol i'm going to hell for laughing at this shit

thumb_up thumb_down -14

-You know what will always get people fighting? -Hey, you wanna fight?

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What's blue and thrashes about on the floor? A baby playing in a plastic bag. How do you make a man pregnant? Stick a dead baby up his ass! How do you stop a baby falling down a manhole? Stick a javelin through it's head. How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends how hard you throw them. -S

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer? "I'm going to kill everyone you've ever loved you fucking cocksucker, you think you can get away with sleeping with my wife? You better think again kiddo I will take away everything from you until you are reduced to a smoldering ruin of what you once was, mark my words bitch."

thumb_up thumb_down -14

A man goes into a bar and gets drunk. He realizes that he is too drunk to drive and calls a cab to bring him home.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What did the Beatrice do after she got kicked off of X Factor? she went to a nearby store and bought a slim jim

thumb_up thumb_down -14

CFL

thumb_up thumb_down -14

What did Batman say to Robin before he got in the car? "Get in the car Robin."

thumb_up thumb_down -14

whats similar between a eagle and a armidillo? they both can fly. apart from the armidillo.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Yo mama is so fat , she died of a heart condition

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Why did the boy who didn't do his homework fall out off a tree? Because his overly obsessive mom threw a rock at him.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Your mother is so fat, that somebody should inform her of the risks of eating unhealthy foods because she could obtain life threatening diseases.

thumb_up thumb_down -14

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops