A skeleton walks into a bar, asks for a mug of beer and a washcloth.

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What do you get when you cross a lawn mower and a rabbit? A dead rabbit...

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How do you tell if a politician is lying? You make him take a polygraph test.

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Q: What's the difference between between basketballs and babies? A: I don't shoot basketballs.

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What is the best joke ever? 1D

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Why did Sarah fall off the swing. I don't know. Why? She had no arms. Knock Knock Who's there? Not Sarah.

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Did you know that many scientists will find out what happens after death within your lifetime? But not their lifetime...

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There are 10 fish, 5 of them drown, how many are left? 10, fish can't drown

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What did the woman find when she got home from the post office? Her son's corpse hanging from a clothes hanger. She was an abusive mom, and he killed himself.

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What do you call a banana in a blender? A banana in a blender. Duh

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I took a shower yesterday. You have no idea how hard it was sneaking that thing out of Home Depot.

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Why did the little girl fall of the swingset. She got kidnapt and raped by a giant scorpion.

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yada yada

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Q: What's the best way to eat lasagna A: With a fork, although a spoon is a fine substitute

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What did the man say to his dead wife? "I'm Blind."

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What's better then one dead baby in a tub? Many things a dead baby is a tragedy.

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Why did the tornado cross the road? Because it's a tornado, that's what tornadoes do.

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Q: How do you shoot blue flames from your hands? A: You start to duck and lean forward quickly before you fully reach to duck as you punch as hard as you can, a blue flame should come out as Japanese bullshit automatically spews out of your mouth. It should not take more than a try or two...

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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What did the deaf guy say to the other deaf guy? Nothing.

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the slaughterhouse was on the other side.

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What did the fish say when he hit the wall? A. Dam B. He Charlie I found the wall C. Both Well he didn't say both but he could have said A or B but it wouldn't make sense for him to say both.

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Ambition is like a frog sitting on a Venus Flytrap. The flytrap can bite and bite, but it won't bother the frog because it only has little tiny plant teeth. But some other stuff could happen and it could be like ambition.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops