So a train conductor is going at 70 mph to to a destination 50 miles away. He goes over 3 hills, one at 20 mph, the other 42 mph, and the last at 63 mph. He crosses 2 bridges at 47 mph each. What did the train conductors mom eat for dinner that night Nothing she had cancer and died.

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Knock Knock! Who’s there? Alligator! I'm positively sure that Alligators are unable to talk, now please tell me who this is before I call the police.

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Harry to Voldemort: Your mother is so fat, her patronus is a cake!

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Why did the girl fall off the swing? She had no arms.

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Q. Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A. Because he got shot. Q. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? A. Because he was stapled to the first monkey.

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A man walks into a bar. He's black. Its 1962. He is immediately arrested.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He actaully never did. He only made it half way before a cop issued him with an infringement notice for jaywalking.

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What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? Jews are human beings. Pizza is a type of food.

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What's black and white and red all over? A modern abstract painting

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Don't tease the fat kids. They have enough on their plates.

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Why does the Taliban forbid people from having sex standing up? It might lead to dancing. And then, of course, death.

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Why did the black person sit in the back of bus? All the other seats were taken.

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Q; What's the new slogan for the TSA? We handle more junk than EBay.

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Whats better than winning an award? Not having your family shot to death

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Q: What do you call Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. A: two things: Their names, and a doctor because they are both in need of a nutritionist.

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a lady says, " i cant stand this." Th guy next to her had his legs blown off and will never be able to stand again.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, come at me again and I'll punch you

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What do Michael Jordan and Michael Jackson have in common? The same first name.

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Knock, Knock. Lol jk, we all know knock knock jokes fricken suck.

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What's funnier than the holocaust? Just about everything seeing how the holocaust is not a funny event, but rather enormous tragedy.... Assholes.

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A bloke walks into a bar. He doesn't say 'ouch' because it was a public house and not a hard surfaced object as you may have thought initially

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Put chromosomes in advertising. Because you know, Sex Cells

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how do you get a 1 armed moron out of a tree? you wave

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why do gingers have no friends? They are non sentient stems that are simply not capable of interacting with intellectual humans

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops