What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor?

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What happened to the famous musician when he overdosed? He overdosed.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

This night was a particularly stormy one, many a crop destroyed, but the spirit of Little Jonny Harrison lived on with a shining light so strong it could emotionally blind those who may experience it's full potential. Jonny lived in Ristoville, a secluded village atop a hill. Citizens of Ristoville were frightened for there lives, all but Jonny, that is. Jonny was bullied from a young age, approximately 3 months, by his Uncle Clive, who was a Catholic Priest, full-time. Fear shined in the eyes of the normal residents, whilst, in Jonny's heart, there glowed a glow of pure hope, expectation and confidence, Jonny Harrison, was going to venture into the storm. Jonny knew he could amount to something, if he really really tried. He has 6 years behind him, and a long life ahead, and he figured, what's the worst that could happen? He pondered this, and ultimately came to the conclusion that there will be nothing worse out there that Uncle Clive's "Magical Basement of Happiness". Jonny sat his mother down in the family's precious leather chair, looked her in the eye and whispered a sweet farewell. He wished his father the best wishes possible, so now he is armed with the fact that his father is there for him, to help him further his adventure. Finally, Rosie Harrison, Jonny's sweet old Grandmother, who had been addicted to Crystal Meth for about 25 years now and been through 13 interventions and countless failed suicide attempts, opened her ears to young Jonathon's speech, he said softly in her ear, the words, "Hang in there, Gran. I know you can pull through, I may be only six but I sure as heck know how much i care for you.". The words of love echoed in her fragile little ears as Jonny walked away. He grabbed his stash of Cool Original Doritos, took with him a couple cartons of Apple and Blackcurrant Ribena, got his Grandfather's lucky medallion and his inhaler and took his first step outside. He whipped out a carton of Ribena, used the straw to puncture a hole through which to drink, strongly crumpled up the carton, slightly spraying pure fruit juice on his dungarees, and threw it to the drooping wet grass. He faced the towering lightning cloud and with a cry so intense, shouted, "Nothing will stop me!!". Jonny died shortly after of HIV induced AIDS. His Uncle Clive was sentence to 3 to 5 years, depending on behavior, in a high security prison for child molestation, frequent and consistant child abuse and paedophillia and smuggling Crystal Meth. Rosie Harrison died later that day.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

24

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What's green and eats rocks? A green rock-eater.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

How babies can you fit in a car seat? 1

thumb_up thumb_down -9

A bar walks into a man. The drink orders a bartender. And then the money walks home. End The.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

A white man walks into a bar. Then he gets a beer.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Skinny guy: Hey wanna hear a yo mama joke? Fat mother: Hey you wanna die?

thumb_up thumb_down -9

what do blondes and rocks have in common? they are both material and have extension.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Roses are blue, Violets are red, Wait, what? huh

thumb_up thumb_down -9

you know why Michael J Fox makes the best milkshakes? no... but his milkshakes brings all the boys to the yard

thumb_up thumb_down -9

A black man, a white man and a Jewish man all live in the same apartment block. Which is most likely to be at work? None of them, it's Sunday. [L]

thumb_up thumb_down -9

I like trees. Trees hate you. Bye.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

A muslim walks onto a plane. He goes to 13C as that is his seat designated on his ticket.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

What did the black basketball player say to the white basketball player when he lost? Good game.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Guess what? What. This joke isn't funny

thumb_up thumb_down -9

- Wanna see a magic trick? - Sure - Too bad. I don't know any.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Inspirational speaker: "You can judge a man by the way he treats those who can do nothing for him." Me: "Hitler loved dogs."

thumb_up thumb_down -9

A man walks into a bar and orders two shots the bartender then picks up his shotgun and gives it to him

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread!

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Knock Knock!! Who's there? Dyphis, say goodbye to your kids.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

How do you make a blonde woman act in a porno? You get her consent and pay her money.

thumb_up thumb_down -9

My grandma has this joke where she says "knock knock." I say "who's there?" She says "I can't remember" and starts to cry

thumb_up thumb_down -9

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops