- Anti Joke

Kid One: "Hey, you! Do you know how to spell "I CUP'?" Kid Two: " Sure, F-A-G....G-O-T..." Kid One: ".........."

What kind of key can unlock a banana? Basically any key that is sharp enough.

What did the giraffe say to the walrus? Nothing. Giraffes can't talk. What did the Scotsman say to the walrus? Nothing. Scotsmen can't talk.

Knock knock. Who's there? I eat mop. I eat mop who? (I eat ma poo) Haha. ~Ali M.~

What did the boy with no arms and no legs get for christmas? Nothing. His parents are dead and Santa doesn't exist.

Q.How many dinosaur species can jump as high as a house? A.All of them, houses can't jump

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if life gives you melons, then you're most likely dyslexic.

- Women have rights, aren't they? - Yes, they have.

How many fish does it take to brush their teeth? Jp's worth of fish isn't enough.

Q: My hands are queefing vaginas A: Milk isn't wearing underwears

Why didn't Johnny ride his bike to school today? Because it is Saturday

If woman that have big breasts work at Hooters, then do woman with one leg work at Ihop?

Yo mama so old, she might die soon

What did nearly headless nick say when he became headless nick. Nothing because he doesnt have a head

What does the average fishermen catch Fish

If life hands you melons you might be dyslexic

what is the worst thing a priest could do to a little boy? brutally murder him

Hey Eduardo Luis Torres Guerrero 36 years old of age formerly living somewhere in Washington DC (ill get an update on what the name of this place is) and the only Pedophile (in the world?) Somehow with three fucking last names. I do not like you "Edward Lewis Richardson" (yeah thats the name we know him the best by people, this is fraud in addition to everything else), you got the cops to raid my home, you got me in handcuffs because you started the rumors that I was injecting cocaine, into my stomach... Which makes as much sense as... Nothing. I am out now, asshole, its Insulin, but you know that already, since you stole my insulin pens apparently in order to inspect them (they are not even needles technically) from my office and threw them away probably since they both say insulin, and proceeded to spread rumors. (we got footage you know) Did I mention that our private detective which is gathering information regarding you as we are about to sue you (do not worry about your wife, she is divorcing you after I told her that you personally told our private detective while piss drunk that you have 11 STD`s (hell I never even heard of that many) all of them contagious, it was my moral obligation among other things. As said we are filing a case against you. Also, the work laptop on your office is not your property, and neither are the files on them (work policy) and while you have an astounding collection of pornography, they found some illegal porn including minors. Needless to say, your request for a promotion is denied, you are fired, our policy allows us to withdraw your Christmas bonus (leaving you in the negative sum, they want your car back for repossession. We are suing you while you rot in jail, your life sucks, and as soon as our detective finds out more about you, I am going to post this wherever I want for all of my staff and your family to see. And you should know how much our staff loves gossip, most of our male staff are pissed at you and want you dead and worse, this "worse" is a thing prison inmates will do to guys like you once you get there. (Sorry colleagues, employees and etc, this is all the info we got for now... Well he sells marijuana, uses cocaine (what do you know!?) is a member of an active ring of men that engage in sexual activity with male animals, his rolex is faker than his "brand new" Audi which is clearly a model from 2001, because it looks like shit and clearly states 2001 several places. And yeah staff members, I know much of this is hard to believe... Or is it? I can add more (I WILL add more) he owes money to the Russian mafia. Thats it for now, the police has not found him yet Consider this my payback Edward Lewis, I asked the cops if It was okay for me to post this, after saying "oh we know where he is, but I would not say it is morally right for you to post his personal information". Then I started typing this. This information is not personal, its what we wound on our laptop in what was your office, its what your wife is telling me as I help her move to... I wont say, its only right. And no you monster, its not at her mothers again. You know what? The information his computer alone gives us, just gets sicker and sicker, In case you are wondering who I am I am your lead attorney and supervisor, I know a thing or two about the law, and believe me, I am not the one breaking it when I share this Eduardo... (sicker as a large order of non humanoid shaped dildos, pictures of... I dont want to make out what that is... Anyways the laptop is taken into police custody as we speak, and the police will continue searching every single computer, so move away from the screen, anyone found deleting stuff will probably be associated with Eduardo, so if you have you know been watching porn or whatever, leave it be its against the rules but after this its nothing. Anyway, I am about to throw up now so I am off. Okay everyone get back to work I need to go throw up.

How many zombies can you kill at once? about one or two unless your Chuck Norris with unlimited powers.

What do you call a snooker cue that only hits stripes? Anything you want, it can't hear you.

What did the black kid get on his report card? Math: C- English: D+ Social Studies: C+ Gym:A+ Science: D- N.P.P.

How did the old guy die? Of death and death related symptoms.

What goes up a hill with four legs and comes down the hill with five? A creepy animal that grows legs when it goes down hills.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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