Q. what did voldemort get for christmas that harry potter didnt? A. dinner with his parents

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Q: What did they call the dude who was stuck on a deserted island? A: Incontinent.

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A man walks into a bar, it's funny because he is an alcholholic

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XD Jackass.

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Feel free to call me, forget the money, as for my fucking eye, I just sure as hell hope those responsible are rotting in prison. I mean I just lost an eye right? Just kidding, I am the one who has been dead wrong here, I judged you wrong, I am the fuck that seems to feel responsible for the actions of others at times, then again I thought that you where sending them against me, they surely claimed they where, but fuck, people use all sorts of things and people as an excuse to do whatever the hell they want.

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why was the woman silent? she lost the ability to speak in a tragic boating accident in which her vocals chords were damaged thus making it incapable for her to utter anything

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Why did Sarah fall off the swing? She had no arms! Knock Knock Who's there? Not Sarah!

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Why did the black man get fired? In this economy businesses are downsizing and outsourcing jobs for cheaper labor.

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What's funnier than a jalapeño? A jalapeño on a stick.

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Q: Whats the worst thing to drop in a prison shower? A: An exploding nail gun

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A man quites his job to open a coffee shop which has been a dream of his for years, The shop does well with a healthy supply of customers and a steady income,The man is now financially stable.

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What's racecar spelled backwards? Jesus.

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Fiona: SHREK! WHERE WERE YOU TONIGHT? Shrek: Out clubbing with the boys. Fiona: What did you do. Shrek: Eat Jews. Borat: iz vedy naaace

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Did you hear the one about the pizza and the salamander? Neither did I.

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I like my coffee like my women, without a penis

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CUT MY SOUL INTO PIECES MY NAME IS VOLDEMORT TERMINATION YOU'RE BLEEDING DON'T GIVE A F**K IF I HAVE NO NOSE FOR BREATHING

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What is grey and cannot fly? A parking lot.

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Why did Billy stop playing baseball? He lost his legs to cancer. Poor Billy.

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MOTHER OF GOD!! What is this horse doing in here?!

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One night, a man was bitten by Dracula. The first thing to come out of his mouth was "Joke's on you, I have AIDS!" Then proceeded to laugh hysterically until Dracula snapped his neck

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If life gives you lemonade.

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Q: What's very loud, has 60 wheels, and is covered in snow? A: A massive car pile up in January that was caused by a women being distracted while Texting. 7 people were killed.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have altzeimer's, Cheese on toast

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How did the hot blonde get a promotion from her boss? She worked really hard and achieved more thaan her coworkers.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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