I AM SHOWERING IN THE BLOOD AND ORGANS OF ENDORPHIN RUSH IN ORDER TO APPEASE THE GODS KNOWN AS... ME, MYSELF, AND I!

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know. Why did he? NO I LOST THE CHICKEN Later: Knock knock Who's there The chicken

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What do you call a deer with no eye? No eye deer ( get it, it's like the red, necked southern speaking states )

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Person1: Have you heard about the girraffe who doesn't eat Georgia peaches? Person2: yes. Person1: Oh, never mind then.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why does no one like fat people? Because of Jesse Ziegenbein

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What's the difference between a black man and a white man? The black man eats chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Jesse likes to jack off and lick the white stuff off of his balls and digest it

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Your mother is so old, she could easily be considered a senior citizen.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

EVERYBODY has a penis!!! Everybody!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -10

How to confuse a dumbass: see next post.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why did the chair break? The person that sat in it was over weight

thumb_up thumb_down -10

There was a man with a job and kids. One day he came home from his job and went to sleep. He never woke up because it turns out he had a heart attack.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What would Helen Keller say to Obama? Wow Im really impressed that you are our nation's first black president. You're doing a great job. Except it would come out like DUUUUURNNNNNAFMKAAAALLLL

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Q: Do these jeans make me look fat? A: No your fat makes you look fat.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Remember those days where we planned what to do with our lives instead of wondering what things lied ahead? Those where the days, it does not matter if we are relics, heroes, or villains today. Back then, we did not seek to discover our future, we sought to create it, back then our people did not pray for a better day, but worked for it. And love and kindness was not something only found in heaven, but what we shared in what was the closest thing, to heaven on earth. Tell me the truth, are there many like us left in this world?

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why do migets laught when they run? Because the grass tickles their balls.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

What did Adam say when he saw Eve with just a fig leaf? The recipe said three frikkin figs.what the hell am I going to do with a fig leaf, you better get back in there, and hurry because I'm double parked. I was referring to Eastend married couple Adam and Eve Turner, in case there was any confusion.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

A woman was in the kitchen making a sandwich for her husband. Shortly after she brings the sandwich to him and he thanks her seeing as his disabled legs prevent him from walking to the kitchen and making one himself. His wife later heads to her job as a firefighter.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

NEVER

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was a banana.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Why did the black man quit his job as a rapper? Because he was an admirable father and husband and was willing to sacrifice his passion to provide for those he loved.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

thumb_up thumb_down -10

roses are red pickles are green i like your legs and whats in between

thumb_up thumb_down -10

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops