Guy 1: What is long, hard and full of semen? Guy 2: A submarine. Guy 1: No, my penis.

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A gorilla walks into a bar and gets a banana martini. The bartender thinks that this is peculiar, and then he realizes he is dreaming. He wakes up and tells his wife about this ridiculous dream that he had. His wife ignores him, and the man rolls over and begins to sob because he realizes that his marriage is in shambles.

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Harry to Voldemort: Your mother is so fat, her patronus is a cake!

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"What's up?" "A movie about an old man who takes his house to South America by tying balloons to it, who accidentally brings along a young boy with him and they have an adventure."

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2 muffins were in the oven when one turned to the other and said. "Damn it's hot in here" The second muffin looked at him with a shocked expression and exclaims "She's burning the potatoes!"

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? -Because he was dead Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? -He was stapled to the first one Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? -He thought it was a game Why did the refrigerator fall out of the tree? -He had no arms Why did the girl fall off her bike? -She was hit by 3 monkeys and a refrigerator

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I hope your not allergic to bees Because your about to be attacked by a live tiger.

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Knock Knock Who's There? Jehovah's Witness

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Religion.

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What do you call a gay mexican on welfare? poor

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Why are apples cheaper than lemons? Because you have to pay less money then lemons to buy them

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How does micheal Jackson know when it's bed time? When the big hand touches the little hand.

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What did the three sixteen year old boys do to the homeless man late at night? Wished him a happy birthday and gave him a meal

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I popped my head over my sexy neighbour's fence today to see her lying in her bikini. "Wow, you're gorgeous!" I burst out, "I hope you know how to do CPR." "Why?" she asked with a giggle, "Because I've taken your breath away?" "No," I replied. "I've just run your son over out front."

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A man walks into a bar. The bartender says "why the long face?" He says, "I have acromegaly"

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What do you call Ed Milliband after he's been decapitated? Dead Milliband.

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What did T Pain say to the skipper of his yacht? I'm on a yacht

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The game.

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what do you call a mexican in a coffee shop? a customer and/or worker in the coffee shop.

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Persond A: A guy blows himself and his family up with a hand grenade Person B: HEY!!! Thats not funny thats how my family died

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why do gingers have no friends? They are non sentient stems that are simply not capable of interacting with intellectual humans

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How do you have se with hellen keller? Very sweetly

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Q)Why doesn't the blond have a job? A) he is 12

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Why didn't Michael Jackson celebrate his birthday? He's dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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