If you have ten apples, and I take away three, then you will only have seven apples left, because ten minus three is seven. On the other hand, if I have a hundred apples, and you take away ninety-six, then I will call the police on you because that is stealing and it is not allowed.

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A woman walks into a bar.

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NASCAR

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Why did the Jew go to prison. He slaughtered his family.

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Why Did the man Commit suicide? His body used cellular respiration to make ATP (A form of energy) and his body used it to send electrical signals to his index finger to pull the trigger on his .357 Magnum, thus putting a bullet through the soft tissue in his brain causing his body to shut down Imediately!

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What'd the black woman say when she met her husband's white mistress? Have you seen Jamal's socks?

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whats worse than drinking bad milk? tea bagging a bear trap

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Two muffins are sitting in an oven. The first one says "Boy, it sure is hot in here." The second one says "Holly shit! A talking muffin!" As muffins generally don't talk.

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Why did the elephant climb the tree? Because he didn't want to tie his shoe.

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Your mom's house is so old, that she has rats and other various critters such as spiders, gnats, and mosquitoes.

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If you could eliminate one thing in your life, what would it be ? My ex.

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Why did the mum scream at the boy? Because he was being stupid

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What did one cat say to another? Cats cant talk

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roses are red, violets are blue, I have schizophrenia, which is a serious mental disorder in which I have difficulty properly experiencing reality. It should not be confused with multiple personality disorder, which is a completely different disease with different symptoms.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know... I thought no one knew the answer to that question...

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What's your guys names?

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Your momma has such a bad pancreas that it releases insulin into her bloodstream all the time. NOT just in response to glucose.

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A midget goes up to a prostitute and asks "what’s the worst joke you ever heard?" She replies "probably this one

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What did the plane say to the twin towers? Boom

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Your momma so fat when she went to the beach she was to self concious and left her shirt on.

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Jay Z: a guy eats a gluten free pickle flavored cupcake, what happened? Will ferell: no one knows what it means! It's provocative!!

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Awesome! I've just received my free minecraft giftcode! >> minecraftnow.us <

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knock knock who's there bang bang bang bang who where da cash at

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What's big, brown, and full of crap? A septic tank.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops