A man and a friend are playing golf one day. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow! That is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You are truly a kind man." The other man replies, "Yeah, well, we were married 35 years."

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Why was the black man crying? His wife left him, took his children, and most of his possessions in the divorce.

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9 Cats on a boat. One Jumped off, how many left? 8.

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Knock knock. MAN: Who's there? HOOKER: The hooker you called for. MAN: Oh, dear lord. My wife hasn't left yet. I need you to come back in fifteen minutes. WIFE: Honey, who is it? MAN: It's the hooker I called for, but you haven't left. I told her to come back in fifteen minutes.

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Why was the Mexican stopped at the border? He forgot his passport.

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What is the difference between a jew and a boyscout? A boyscout comes back from camp.

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A Scotsman, an Irishman and an Englishman walk into a bar... They enjoy their drinks and leave.

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What's the new green? Green

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What did the pirate say when his parrot died? Nothing. He was upset and didn't really feel like talking.

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A fat man walked into a hot dog.

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There are two muffins in an oven. Since they are inanimate objects, they do nothing but sit there and bake until they are a golden brown color, at which point a man takes them out of the oven and eats them for breakfast.

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when life gives you lemons your like wait how did i get these lemons??

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I literally died laughing

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What did the boy skip rocks with? -A rock

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what did pedobear say to the 60 year old man nothing he was too busy molesting the girl across the street

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Q: why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A: because it was dead.

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Why couldn't the boy talk? He drowned.

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Ask me if I'm a tree. Are you a tree? Yes.

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I'm not gay (phrase) - A phrase commonly used by straight men.

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What was the asian person's name? I don't know, I never met him.

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What's the worst part about eating a vegetable? Putting her back in the wheel chair.

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Why can't Stevie Wonder read? He has retinopathy of prematurity and was born blind.

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Yo mama so fat she makes blind kids cry

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What has 17 eyes, 43 toes, 11 feet and, 9 heads? A 17 eyed- 43 toed- 11 footed- 9 headed monster.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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