Knock, knock! Who's there? Mary Mary who? Mary Smith.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Q: What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on a doorstep? A: Matt.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

How do you kill a blonde? The blonde you were planning on killing, Sarah, arrives home from a rather tiring run. She lets her hair down from her ponytail, and even though she is a little sweaty At the moment, you realize what a beautiful woman she really is. You decide to ask her to marry You, and after she says yes, you two make passionate love in the front seat Of your 2011 Cadillac Escalade.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Roses are red Pickles are green I leik ur legs and whats inbetween

thumb_up thumb_down -22

there r three guys on a bridge. They r chinese,mexican,&american. They each have a bottle of beer. The chinese dude says I have enough of this in my country and throws it over the bridge. Then the mexican says I have enough of this in my country and throws it over the bridge. The american takes a drink of his and sets it down he looks at the mexican and says I have enough of these in my country and throws the mexican over the bridge.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Why did apple fall off the tree? Because Sally was holding on for dear life and she grab the apple. The apple was still in good condition; Sally however, not so good.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

If Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee got in a fight, who would win? Chuck Norris, since Bruce Lee is dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

A black man and a white woman walk into a bar and celebrate their interracial marriage anniversary over a couple of drinks and then call a cab to avoid driving while intoxicated

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What did the elf say to Santa I'm not making any more toys fat ass.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Why did the woman leave the kitchen. Its was her funeral

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What has 4 eyes and cant see? Mississippi

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Whats the difference between KFC and Starbucks? KFC didn't murder your sister.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? Just in case he gets a hole in one! -LEts Go Mets P.S the comment below is also very stupid

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Guys are like a sax. If no sound comes out, you're probably not blowing hard enough.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Hey, do you want to play the rape game ? NO! That's the spirit

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Q- what did the magician say after the sawed the woman in half ? A- call an ambulance !

thumb_up thumb_down -22

If a plane crashes on the boarder of Canada and The U.S.A- Where would they burry the survivors.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

DEATH.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Honk if you're Amish!

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Why didn't the boy get any presents for christmas? Because his parents are dead.

thumb_up thumb_down -22

A mexican and a black man are in a car. Who's driving? the black man

thumb_up thumb_down -22

What's worse than reading? A lot, but there are too many things to name

thumb_up thumb_down -22

dylan wishes life was like cod. that way he would actually be able to do something cool

thumb_up thumb_down -22

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops