Why can't Helen Keller drive Umm, She's dead

thumb_up thumb_down +21

How many bears does it take to screw in a light bulb? None; it’s a fairly menial task requiring little more than a single human hand. Requisitioning any number of bears for the effort would be an extremely dangerous “Rube Goldberg”-esque solution to simple problem.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

roses are red yoda is green my lightsaber needs 2 hands if you know what i mean

thumb_up thumb_down +21

A 21 year old man walks into a bar. After looking at the menu for a minute he orders the cocktail of the day. The bartender looks at the man in disbelief because he has such a baby face and looks like a teenage kid. The bartender politely asks to see his ID. The man pulls out his wallet and shows him his drivers license. Sure enough he was the legal age of drinking. The bartender says "Thank you" and gives him his beverage.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Put chromosomes in advertising. Because you know, Sex Cells

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What's worse than getting raped by a bear? Getting raped by two bears.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

After pursuing a speeding vehicle for 10km at speeds ranging from 120 - 160km/h, the police officer managed to stop the driver. The driver of the vehicle rolled down the window and asked, "What seems to be the problem officer?" to which the police officer replied, "It sounds like one of your cylinders is firing incorrectly, you have a fairly large amount of carbon build-up on and around your exhaust pipe."

thumb_up thumb_down +21

If you watch the titanic backwards, its really about a magical ship which saves peoples lives!

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why do alcoholics use brown bags? Because they are ashamed of what they have become and seek to repress their guilt by entering into denial.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why did the old lady cross the road? Why not.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Whats worse than being out in the cold? Having cancer.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Did you here about the Asian couple who had a stupid baby? They named him Sum Ting Wong

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Where would you find 10 dead babies buried next to each other? In a cemetary.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Q: What did the farmer say when his tractor broke down? A: oh noo my tractor broke down.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie roll pop? It would have to take a reasonable amount of licks for enough enzymes in the saliva to breakdown the hard candy part.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What do u do when u hear about a smart Blonde. Cant think of anything? Exactly

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What is square and grey? A grey square.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Weebles wobble, but paralyzed kids fall down.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why was the boy sad? Because he had a frog stapled to his face.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why did the boy fall of his bike? He's learning to ride and understandably lost his balance.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why is the melon having a wedding? Because it cantaloupe.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Why did little Suzie spill her drink? Since birth, she has lacked a jaw.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

What hurts more than a bee sting? Child birth.

thumb_up thumb_down +21

make me a sandwich! what kind?

thumb_up thumb_down +21

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops