What did the aliens say when they first landed on planet Earth? We've come back for Anthony Davis.

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What do a rabbit and a plum have in common? They're both purple expect the rabbit

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How did the plumber fix the leaky faucet? Trick question. The plumber is actually an iguana.

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Why did the blonde fall off the cliff? She was blind and deaf so she never knew where to go, and her parents kicked her out for her problems. It is a sad situation that noone wants to go through

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A Jewish man walkes into grocery store. He buys some groceries, and leaves.

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What did the little boy say before he succumbed to cancer? Nothing. It was too painful.

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Two elderly men were sat next to a children's playground... They were there to pick up their grandchildren because their parents were at work.

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Why did Harry Potter go to meet Professor Lupin? --Because he wanted to practice casting his Patronus

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How do you confuse a blonde? You put her in a round room and tell her to find the corner.

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What's that Lassie? Timmy fell in the well again? And you couldn't care less because the stupid kid never looks where he's going?

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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man, i read a lot but the are some words i can pronounce

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What did the little girl with cancer get for Christmas? Nothing, she didn't make it that far

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What's brown and sticky? Syrup.

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I used to be able to walk, but then I took an arrow to the knee. It tore my acl and shattered my kneecap.

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Why did the guy have one shoe? Because he took one shoe off at a time

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What's hiding in Redfoo (from LMFAO)'s afro? Nobody knows...

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A guy walks into a bar and finds a genie. The genie says he'll grant him 3 wishes. He wished for a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead. POOF! All 3 wishes were granted to him. The blonde drinks a shot a tequila, the brunette drinks a beer, and the redhead drinks a whiskey. They had a great time.

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Q: A policeman is working past a room. The window is too high to see in. The person hears "no John, don't", and then a gunshot. He rushes inside and sees a dead body on the floor with a gun beside him. Also in the room are a doctor, a lawyer and a priest. Without asking any questions, he immediately arrests the priest. Why? A: Because the priest is the only male in the room.

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Did you hear about the sea cow who sang "Part of your Herd?" It was the Little Moomaid.

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Whats white and sticky? Marshmellows

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What has stripes, isn't a virgin, and has golden hands? I don't know I asked you first.

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KKK: Hey i was just comming over here to invite you to a church gathering me and my buddies are having later on tonight, and afterwards we are going to have a big bon-fire to fire up our spirits. Black guy: OK sounds great. White people sure are nice now-a-days.

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What did the loser say to the winner? Good game

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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