what does matt daly like to do in his free time anal

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A horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks "why the long face?" the horse, confused, looks at the bartender with a bewildered look, neighs loudly, and runs out of the bar knocking over a few tables and chares.

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What do you call a deer with one eye? Nothing. The deer was transported to a specialist animal hospital and now has two working eyes, eliminating the purpose of this joke. We apologise for wasting your time.

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Whats is worse than a dog bite? A shark bite. Whats worse than a shark bite? The Holocaust.

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Turn your Caps Lock off, people think you're yelling at them, Stephen Hawking.

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At his sentencing, a judge tells a convicted murderer that he will be hanged at noon on one weekday in the following week but that the execution will be a surprise to the prisoner. He will not know the day of the hanging until the executioner knocks on his cell door at noon that day. Having reflected on his sentence, the prisoner draws the conclusion that he will survive the hanging. His reasoning is in several parts. He begins by concluding that the "surprise hanging" can't be on Friday, because if he hasn't been hanged by Thursday, there is only one day left - and so it won't be a surprise if he's hanged on Friday. Since the judge's sentence stipulated that the hanging would be a surprise to him, he concludes it cannot occur on Friday. He then reasons that the surprise hanging cannot be on Thursday either, because Friday has already been eliminated and if he hasn't been hanged by Wednesday night, the hanging must occur on Thursday, making a Thursday hanging not a surprise either. By similar reasoning he concludes that the hanging can also not occur on Wednesday, Tuesday or Monday. Joyfully he goes to his cell confident that he has been spared from the hanging. The next week, the executioner knocks on the prisoner's door at noon on Wednesday and prisoner is completely surprised!

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There's a Christian preist, Jesus, and a Jewish rabi on a boat. They want to go fishing, but they forgot the sunscreen, the bait, and the fishing line. The Christian preist walks across the water and goes and gets the Sunscreen. Jesus walks across the water and gets the bait. The Jewish rabi steps out of the boat and drowns. Jesus turns to the Priest and says, "Do you suppose we should have told about the underwater bridge?"

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Why did the spider cross the road? He was stuck to the bottom of my shoe!

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Roses are red Violets are blue I have a penis and a knife choose which one goes in you.

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Q:When do you club a newborn baby? A:Whenever you want to because babies are stupid

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Fuzzy-wuzzy was a bear, Fuzzy-wuzzy had no hair, Fuzzy-wuzzy died of cancer.

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I like playing in the balls. I like balls.

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Q: What's worse than falling off a mountain A: Falling off a mountain into a pile of spikes

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roses are red,violets,are green who tf shit in the toilet?

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Q:What has more brains than the baby you just shot? A:The wall behind it!!!

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Why did the girl throw the clock out of the window? The clock was broken, and it was the only valuable object in her possession.

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what is the difference between a black man and a white man? Their skin color.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Irune. Irune who? Irune my life with all this red sand.

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Catholicism.

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homosexual rights to marriage

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What did the towel say to the other towel? Nothing, there was no topic of conversation.

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A man and a midget walk into a bar each carrying a suitcase. They were stopping by after work.

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

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people can be soooo loud!!!!!!! sooo loud that they wake up helen keller!!!!!!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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