Coach walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, i can't serve you. You aren't wearing pants. Coach says "put it on my bill."

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What is worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding half a worm What is worse than finding half a worm in your apple? Finding chuck norris Whats worse than finding your girlfriend has a bigger Slong than you? Getting raped with a cheese grater. Whats worse than all of these? Being black Sadly im black :( -Jordan M

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A man walks into a bar. It's a fine establishment. He orders a couple of beers and takes a cab home like a responsible man would. He is then killed with a croquet mallet.

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Men

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Maybe we simply need to keep the door open, but one cannot bring happiness to others, until one is happy oneself. Do I change something within you Red?

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How does a doctor wake up in the morning He opens his eyes

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What is more annoying then finding a worm in your apple you

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a dad farts in the woods nothing else happens

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A black guy wearing a mask runs into a store, points his gun at the cashier, steals some money and runs out. The police start an investigation the following morning

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What is worse than losing your phone charger... Being viciously raped by a group of angry vegans feminist mad at you for eating a burger, while walking out of Hooters.

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What should you do if reading the antijokes on this site makes you collapse with laughter? There is no need to worry about this because it won't happen.

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I know how to make a brilliant telescope out of an empty jar, some leather, a string and a brilliant telescope.

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Why did Suzy fall off the swing? As Suzy neared the ground while swinging, her foot caught a small hole in the swingset's pebble foundation, and the power of Suzy's momentum along with the sudden stop of Suzy's swing forced Suzy to fly forward off of the swing. Suzy, seeing the silliness of her mistake, laughed it off, and tried to get back up. She quickly realized that her leg had snapped in half. Suzy will never walk again.

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A Horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks the horse, "Why the long face?". The horse didn't understand English, so he took a shit on the floor, and left.

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There once was a man from Nantucket, His dick was so long it caused tremendous physical discomfort, and it was extremely difficult for him to find pants that did not reveal his freakish abnormality, and greatly limited his levels of intimacy. After botched reduction surgery, he was left without a penis at all and, realising the horrible irony, threw himself into a raging river (experiencing no shrinkage whatsoever).

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Whats blue, green and red, and runs trough the strees each sunday? ...What? I have no idea, I was hoping you did.

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Why did the sloth cross the road? To slaughter your entire family.

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An astronaut, a nun and a fireman walk into a bar. They all order something to drink as they have all had a busy day.

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"Knock knock!" "Who's there?" "A door to door salesman. Are you unsatisfied with the way your dish soap handles your plates? Then I have the product for you!" "I'm not interested in your product, but thank you anyway." "No problem. On an off note, how did you hear me? I didn't speak very loudly when I said knock knock, and I didn't even bother to knock on the door or ring the doorbell." "I have really good hearing." "Oh, okay. And for future reference, maybe you should open the door when talking to a visitor. Then body language gets established and the conversation flows more nicely that way." "That's some good advice, and I'll take it. Thanks, salesman." "You're welcome. On to the next house."

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A man dreamt that he was eating a marshmallow. He ate his dog.

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why did the teacher say that the student did well in class? because the student did well in class

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why did the cookie go to the doctor? he had to get a physical to be eligible for his school's football tryouts. his mom drove him there but was very careful not to get his hopes up too high since his chances of actually making the team were slim to none based on the fact that he had no arms or legs but only succulent chocolate chips in every bite.

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what did michael jackson do when i swore at him? nothing he's dead

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Why was the little girl sad? An elephant shat on her face

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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