Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach? She wanted a tattoo.

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Why was 10 afraid of 9? Because 9 8 7

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how do you know if an asian gang has been to your house? 1. your computer is unplugged 2. your homework is finished 3. they are still trying to back out of the driveway

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Why can't Heller Keller drive? Because she was blind.

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"What's up?" "A movie about an old man who takes his house to South America by tying balloons to it, who accidentally brings along a young boy with him and they have an adventure."

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Can a match box? No, but a tin can.

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Jack and jill went up a hill to get some water. Jack fell down, twisted his ankle, and continued to roll. He broke his spine and collar bone and he was later taken to the hospital. Later that night he died because the doctors couldn't do anything. Jill then killed herself in mourning.

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what did the child say to his mother? daddy raped me!

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What does a blonde's pussy taste like? The same as her brain, cabbage.

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roses are red violets are blue i've got alzheimer's ...

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. why did the squirrel fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the monkey.

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how did superman die? he got cought in a plane engine!

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why did the baby fall down the stairs? i pushed it.

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what do you call a black man that killed somebody? a murderer.

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Why did the baker turn off the oven? He had run out of business

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What do you call a sober man driving a car? a designated driver

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Three midgets walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer, the second one orders whiskey, and the third one ordered water because all three of them had agreed that he would be the designated driver that night.

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What's brown and sticky? A stick.

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Q: what's the difference between a dead baby and a watermelon A: well the first noticable difference is that the watermelon tastes better.

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Two farmers are sitting in a cold field. One asks, "Cold day, isn't it?" The other farmer doesn't respond as he has been frozen to death and because of his death, he is unable to respond.

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Your momma is so black that she probably has ancestors indigenous to Africa.

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A guy asks his girl friend to marry him and she says yes, so he buys her a new car - a Lamborghini Countach - she loves this car and she goes everywhere in it. One day, she picks up her kids from school. She's got a boy and a girl. As she's driving down the road, a car pulls up in front of her and they have a really nasty accident and she falls into a coma. When she wakes up from the coma there is a doctor next to her and she quickly asks doctor, "Where is my son? He was really good at football, he could have played for England and been better than Beckham." The doctor replies, "I'm so sorry, in the accident he lost his leg he won't be able to kick a football any more." The woman asks about her daughter. "Doctor, where is my daughter? She was really good at tennis and she could have been the best in the world and won at Wimbledon." The doctor says, "Sorry but in the accident she lost her arms and she won't be able to pick up a racket any more." She begins to cry. "Doctor," asks the woman, "how long have I been in this coma?" The doctor replies, "Six months." "So what's the date?" asks the woman. "April 1st," says the doctor. The woman begins to laugh "So you were joking then, were you?" Doctor: "YES... they had minor breaks and cuts but both have made full recoveries. I'll get them and your fiancé down here straight away." The woman is relieved and is discharged three days later to continue recuperating at home, while the doctor is sent to a tribunal for tricking her into believing her children had been maimed and eventually accepts early retirement with a generous severance package.

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A duck flies into a bar. The bartender allows it to stay because it turns into a beautiful swan. The goose then lays a golden egg and the bartender stares in awe as a giant bean stalk grows out of the egg. He's ecstatic and really glad he let the flamingo stay with all the wonderful colors and magic going on.

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What did the cow say to the chicken? Moo. Moral: Cuckoo!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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