why did the cookie go to the doctor? he had to get a physical to be eligible for his school's football tryouts. his mom drove him there but was very careful not to get his hopes up too high since his chances of actually making the team were slim to none based on the fact that he had no arms or legs but only succulent chocolate chips in every bite.

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I don't have ADHD I just- Hey look a squirrel!

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What smells like smoke, sounds like a pig, and looks like a horse? My mom's boyfriend

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Why did the boy dig a hole in the football field? He was blind and his parents were being quite irresponsible....However someone should probably fill in that hole, as that could be a hazard during a football game.

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A blonde, redhead, and a brunette are chatting outside a casino. The brunette directs a joke towards the blonde. "What's the difference between cotton candy and pork chops?" The blonde has heard the joke prior to this encounter and correctly completes it with sign language because she is deaf.

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Yo mamma is so skinny, she has developed anorexia, a serious eating disorder, which not only affects her, but also the ones that she loves and cares about.

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Why are objects in your mirror closer than they appear? Because they are closer than they appear.

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why was Lucy fat? Her BMI was over the recommended average.

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Obesity runs in your family. To bad no one runs in your family.

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Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? He didn't, animal control took the dog away from Helen because she could not properly care for the dog.

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q.how do u kill a jew? a.you glue a penny to the bottom of a pool

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How do you make a dog say meow? Freeze it and put it through a woodchipper. (MEROWRRRR)

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He was attempting to get back to his farm.

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Why did the smoker die at a petrol station? He had lung cancer.

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What did the black man buy at the store? Nothing he has no money

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Roses are red, violets are blue my neighbor is black he will jump you too

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Why couldn't Matilda walk to school? Because a dog ripped her legs off.

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Why was the guy tired? His titties were too big

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bangers and mash?

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Q: What do you call an underground train full of professors? A: It's very unlikely that the passengers on an underground train would consist entirely of professors, unless it was a special service booked solely for the attendees of highly specialised lectures which required each audience member to have completed a professorship.

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What did the boy with no arms or legs get for Christmas? A scholarship to a prestigious college that he did not deserve.

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What's worse then ten dead babies in a barrel? The one at the bottom is still alive.

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Well no, thats not true, sorry, I mean I GET THAT ALL THE FUCKING TIME!

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Why couldn't the little pirate see the movie? He was busy

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops