Why did the smoker die at a petrol station? He had lung cancer.

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bangers and mash?

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q.how do u kill a jew? a.you glue a penny to the bottom of a pool

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What did the black man buy at the store? Nothing he has no money

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Why couldn't Matilda walk to school? Because a dog ripped her legs off.

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How do you make a dog say meow? Freeze it and put it through a woodchipper. (MEROWRRRR)

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Why did Helen Keller's dog run away? He didn't, animal control took the dog away from Helen because she could not properly care for the dog.

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Why did the baby cross the road? Because he was stapled to the chicken.

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What did the angry man with tourette syndrome say when he smashed his thumb with a hammer? Ouch.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Daises are yellow Azeleas are pinkish purple

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What's worse then ten dead babies in a barrel? The one at the bottom is still alive.

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So a guy walks into a bar. Ouch. It was a gay bar.

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Q: What do you call an underground train full of professors? A: It's very unlikely that the passengers on an underground train would consist entirely of professors, unless it was a special service booked solely for the attendees of highly specialised lectures which required each audience member to have completed a professorship.

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What did the boy with no arms or legs get for Christmas? A scholarship to a prestigious college that he did not deserve.

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Well no, thats not true, sorry, I mean I GET THAT ALL THE FUCKING TIME!

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Why couldn't the little pirate see the movie? He was busy

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Why was the Pizza Delivery boy crying? He was sad.

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What did one dead baby say to another dead baby? Nothing... they were dead.

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Why did Hitler commit suicide? Because the Nazis were on the brink of losing the war and Berlin was shortly to be captured by Soviet forces.

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What do an owl and a squirrel have in common? They can both fly! Except for the squirrel.

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A woman gets into the front seat of a car and starts driving.

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What did the golfer do on his vacation? He played golf.

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What's black on top, and white on the bottom? Rape.

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There was a blonde, a redhead, and a brunette on an island. This island is called England, and this situation tends to happen a lot.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops