Q: What does a giraffe say to the other giraffes? A: Nothing, giraffes do not have vocal cords and are therefore unable to make any sounds, much less speak; not to mention a giraffes brain is far to underdeveloped to talk in a spoken language.

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How did the blonde girl fall down? She didnt see where she was goin

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What do you do when you go downstairs in the middle of the night and see your VCR floating in the middle of the living room? Run and cower in fear in this seemingly impossible situation.

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Where did Wendy decide to work for her part time job? TACO BELL

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Knock Knock! Who is there? A 6ft tall black man who recently escaped prison that is requesting asylum in your lovely mansion. sounds legit.

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Whats the difference between KFC and Starbucks? KFC didn't murder your sister.

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What happened to the man who ate a piece of pizza after doing a lot of sit ups, while rubbing the belly of a fat man, and feeding his baby at the same time? He Lived

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How are friends and bananas alike? If you peel their skin and eat them they die.

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joe diragi whacks off his dog

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Knock, Knock! Who's there? Hatch! Hatchoo! Bless you!

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Your moms so stupid that she called me to get my number

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Q: How do you make a five year cry twice? A: There are many ways, as children are generally not that adept at controlling their emotions. Loud noises, threats of violence, images of scary monsters... those tend to work. Be sure to let them stop crying before making them cry again, otherwise you will have only made them cry once.

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Why do the children cry at dinner time? Becuase there mother forces them to eat her own faeces and takes pictures of them doing it and posts it on the internet.

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What is dull and has no point? A pencil without its point

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Whats blue and flufft Answer: Blue Fluff

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A bishop died and went to heaven. At the Pearly gates he sees Saint Peter , so he says to Peter "All my life I've been a committed Christian, but I just before I died I was tempted by a woman of ill repute". Saint Peter says "This is just an illusion, your dying brain is merely conjuring up images based on your presuppositions of an 'afterlife'. You have about three seconds left"

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An amputee walks into a bar with a big smile on his face and sits down. The bartender looks over at him and asks "So why are you so happy?" The amputee doesn't answer because he has been completely deaf, blind and mute since birth.

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What did the man with a cold say when a jew walked into a bar? Hahaha you walked into a bar. What did the man with a cold say when a jew walked into a pub? AHH-JOOOOO!!!

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Why doesnt snow like Asians? Snow is a form of precipitation within the Earth's atmosphere in the form of crystalline water ice, consisting of a multitude of snowflakes that fall from clouds. Since snow is composed of small ice particles, it is a granular material. It has an open and therefore soft structure, unless packed by external pressure. Snowflakes come in a variety of sizes and shapes. Types which fall in the form of a ball due to melting and refreezing, rather than a flake, are known as graupel, ice pellets or snow grains. Therefore since snow is unhuman they are then thus incapable of emotions because they lack any vitals organs.

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If a llama walks into a jewelry store and a carrot has no feathers, then why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't. It got hit by a car because chickens are simple creatures and don't understand the complex rules of the road.

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She was so hot every guy instantly jizzed upon seeing her. Even seeing her fingernails gave boners to thousands of people. Poor thing never had sex, no one could hold it in until they started. Maybe only Chuck Norris.

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What did the pear say to the apple? Fred, you delusions are getting worse and i'm getting a divorce.

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how do you get a scouters power level to 9,000? power levels dont exist in real life therefore cannot reach 9,000

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Q: Whats funny about the Holocaust A: Nothing

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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