What's the difference between a jew and pizza? A Jew is human and pizza is food.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What did the black do when a man robbed his house? He called 911

thumb_up thumb_down +2

So A guy named Larry walks into a bar and says, Where is your couch?

thumb_up thumb_down +2

- Mom, you have a banana in you ear. - Son I can't hear you, I have banana in my ear.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A duck walks into a bar, but he is kicked out because he is not 21

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Three Greeks and Three Turks are traveling by train to a conference. Both racial groups arrive safely to their destination.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why does Justin Beiber look like a girl? Because he achieved international fame and fortune at a prepubescent age, and has made more money before he turned 18 than most people will in their entire lives.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde go on vacation in Hawaii. They plan to swim to the next island. The brunette and redhead do it with no problem. The blonde swims halfway and realizes she is tired. She continues to swim straight ahead knowing her friends are already at the next island.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the little girl cry when she fell off the slide? Because when she fell she hit the dirt ground, cause dust to fly into the air, he eyes started to water in response to keep her eyes from being damaged. The slide however, was taken down, too many children had been hurt while playing on it. The community is now pooling money together in order to build a new playground.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Man: Did It Hurt Woman: Did what hurt? Man: When your legs were crushed after being run over by that semi

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why is this anti-joke here? Because someone submitted it to this website.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

hey i just met you and this is crazy i just had bath salts your face looks tasty!

thumb_up thumb_down +2

This is SPARTA! SPARTA? THIS IS MADNESS! (kicks guy down well) What is hurt! Baby dont love me, dont love me, no more. Moral: The funny thing is probably that the line makes a lot more sense all of sudden does it not?

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A man named Chuck walks into a bar. One of the patrons says, "Oh my god! You're Walker, Texas Ranger!" Chuck replies, "No, that's Chuck Norris. I'm Chuck Connors. I played the Rifleman." The man replies, "Wait, aren't you dead?"

thumb_up thumb_down +2

You wanna know what's totally out of this world? The moon

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Q: How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Well considering the weight of a fly is 1.2 grams, and the weight of a light bulb is 50 grams (and this is assuming that the fly can lift its own body weight) it would take 41.6 flies. But also considering the fact, that the .6th of a fly is impossible, because it is more than likely to be deceased, it is impossible for flies to screw in a light bulb.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why is wood brown Because wood is brown

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because if he stayed on the farm, he would have been condemned to a miserable life, subjected to deplorable living conditions and an eventual pain-filled death by the hand of a cruel and heartless farmer. Crossing that road was his only chance of salvation.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A man is walking on the beach and discovers a lamp in the sand. He takes it home to polish it. Eventually it looks like new and he gets a fairly reasonable price from an antique shop.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 was a murderer.

thumb_up thumb_down +2

What is black white green blue and is wet and blind and deaf and homosexual all at the same time? What ever I just described

thumb_up thumb_down +2

A father had three children Rose Daisy and Cinderblock. Rose comes up to her father and asks"daddy why am i named Rose?' the father answered"well when you were a baby a rose petal fell on your head"Rose Reply's "oh thats nice" and walk's away. the Daisy comes up and ask's "Daddy! why am i named Daisy!" the Dad answered "well. when you were a baby a rose petal fell on your head" Daisy Replied" oh ok i guess" and walked away. Then Cinderblock came up and asked "duuuhhhd" and the father simply replied" Shut up Cinderblock".

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Q: How do get a person to leave you alone ? A: Suck out his eye-balls stuff them in your ears to muffle the sound of his screaming as you head-butt him into a fine paste. Then proceed to spread or squeeze sed paste on to delicious food substance and eat sed delicious food substance. Then carry on with the rest of your day like nothing happened. (P.S. Just ignore any letters about court cases or arrests)

thumb_up thumb_down +2

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops